Letter to my younger self?

I remember being in Intensive Trauma Therapy and one of our projects was to “write a letter to our younger selves.” At first, without putting too much thought into yet, I thought it would be an interesting and therapeutic thing to do. But as I started to think about what I would actually tell little Milli, I felt this overwhelming rush of sadness and fear.

You see, most of the people in my group therapy’s letters to their younger selves went something along the lines of

“You’re safe, just be patient, it’ll all be over soon.” “Just be patient, you’re going to have such a beautiful life in the future.”

Mine however, was a little different. Fortunately, my childhood was great. Little me was happy and brave and adventurous and wore her little heart on her sleeve. And so my letter, which was extremely difficult to write, was different. There was no

“just be patient, things will get better” “you’re safe and you’re going to be okay.”

No, no it was actually the complete opposite. Little Milli had no idea that her world was going to completely turn dark. She had no idea that her worst fears were going to come true. She had no idea the amount of pain and trauma she was going to have to endure as an adult.

And so I hesitated so much to write that letter to little Milli. Who was I to instill fear and dim her little light? Who was I to completely steal that happiness and bravery from her? Who was I to tell her that she was going to be far from safety and spend the rest of her life desperately looking for it?

And so I didn’t write that letter. And idk if I ever will. All I know is that I refuse to let that part of me die.

#Lemon8Diary #embracevulnerability #mentalhealthawareness #traumahealingjourney #healing