A recap of last month
*Whisles
Where do I even begin?
Last month was one of the most unpredictable months for me. It was like anything bad that could happen just randomly did. Which left me in shock honestly.
Christmas was okay, I guess. My sisters and I had fun on Christmas Eve. We spent the day watching old nicktoon Christmas episodes, and it was fun understanding the adult jokes that were sprinkled in there. Our mom was working, and while I do feel bad...it was for the best. Once she did come home, she was in such a negative mood. I tried not to let it ruin the vibe, but it was hard to. A couple days leading up to Christmas, my younger sister caught covid & the flu and was absolutely dreading life and I don't blame her. So that was another reason for me to try and make Christmas as fun as I could, with my depressed self. We baked cookies and they turned out really well for our 2nd attempt. The next day on Christmas, I saw my grandpa give my mom the most awkward hug I've ever seen in my life. I cringed while watching. I guess that's what happens when you only show up once a year to see family. Days after Christmas I had to take care of my sister and take her to urgent care a couple of times, but I think she's getting better now. So definitely not what I expected to happen near Christmas time.
Then...it happened. I got called into the office at work. I knew it was going to happen. I've missed a couple of days of work. The "talking," that I got was less than ideal. I didn't say anything because I had no one to blame but myself, however in my defense I can't exactly say to my boss, "Hey the reason why I called off so much is because I didn't want to be on this planet anymore" (If you get what I mean). It sucks..being depressed and not being able to tell people because they either 1) Don't believe in depression or 2) think you're just trying to just get attention (Which I am not doing btw). I think I've always had depression and anxiety due to a rough childhood. I just never got diagnosed until I was an adult. Due to that, now as an adult I don't know what to do about my depression anymore. I've gone in and out of therapy. On and off medication. Some days I'm super happy and cheerful and laughing. Other days, I'm sad and irritable or angry because a lot of people think depression is just being sad all the time. Depression can also unfortunately come in the form of anger. When I'm angry due to my depression, I shut down completely. You won't hear me talk at all. Why? because I don't know how to control what I'm feeling and I don't want to project on to someone who didn't deserve it.
So where does that lead me now in this new year?
As far as my relationship with my mother goes. I'm kind of becoming done with trying to make something work. I'd like to stay cordial with her because of my sisters, but I'm no longer trying to be her friend. Some girls have mothers who love them so much and act like their friend...I unfortunately will never know what that warmth feels like and I'll have to learn to be okay with it.
Work? I'm going to try not get fired but I already sense that maybe they also just don't want me there anymore. I have a boss out of three who simply just doesn't like me and I'm so done trying to be nice to this lady. I really am. The whole office can't stand her, her own family can't stand her and I was genuinely trying to be nice as someone who comes from a broken household herself....but honestly fuck that! I'm done. That lady is a miserable human being and she's never going to change.
Let's see where this new year takes me. Sorry for the long post, but if you made it this far. Here's a cookie 🍪 you deserve it! Haha 😅
- Elizabeth
Reading through this recap really resonated with me, as I’ve also experienced those unpredictable swings between good and bad moments in life, especially when dealing with depression. It’s important to acknowledge how depression isn’t just sadness; it can also manifest as anger, irritability, or withdrawal — something many people don’t fully understand. One thing I’ve learned through my own battles with depression is how vital it is to find small, positive routines that can help anchor your mental health. For example, the author’s choice to bake cookies with her sisters despite feeling depressed is a great example of creating moments of togetherness and joy even during tough times. Family relationships can be complicated, especially when trauma and mental health issues are involved. The shift from wanting a close bond to accepting a more cordial relationship with a difficult parent is a brave, healthy boundary to set. It made me think about how I had to learn to protect my own emotional wellbeing by adjusting my expectations and focusing on the relationships that truly nourish me. Workplace stress often adds an extra layer of difficulty. I can relate to the feeling of being misunderstood or unfairly judged, especially when mental health struggles are involved but not openly discussed for fear of stigma. Finding discreet ways to manage stress at work and setting boundaries can help prevent burnout, even if the environment feels toxic. If I could share one tip from my experiences, it would be to reach out for support, whether it’s professional therapy, trusted friends, or support groups. Sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in your feelings and challenges can make a huge difference. And remember, progress isn’t linear — some days will be better than others, and that’s perfectly okay. Lastly, embracing self-compassion and small moments of self-care, like sharing a cookie after posting your story, can provide tiny but meaningful relief. It’s these simple acts that nurture our resilience and hope for the future, even when life feels overwhelming.
