When you try to hold on to the past, but shouldn't
I've been away from this account for a while now. I don't know, I guess I just didn't feel inspired to post. So here's what i've been going through since my last post.
I've for one starting journaling as a way to slowly stop writing my feelings online. Aside from that, I dropped a friend who I just felt I had out grown. I know people online find it mean when people do that, but in my case I really tried to be there for this friend. Actually now that I think about it, I was there for them. Through moments where they felt alone, job changes, breakups, and all because I knew them from high school. In my mind, we still had a bit of "us," from hs but I was so wrong. That's the thing about life. People change as they grow, and it's not always for the best. Where I drew the line with this friend? when they started to joke with people we know about suicide. Why is that such a big deal to me? because I suffer from MDD. I knew from that moment on, I couldn't continue to defend their actions and that I no longer wanted to be their friend. Apart from that, I never felt like they did anything for me as a "friend." I was always their friend out of convenience or at least that's what I like to call it.
So I disappeared in a way. I stopped reaching out to them. Stopped hanging out with them, and even just stopped talking to them...and I hate to say it, but my life feels different without them in it, but in a good way. I noticed that this "friend," was essentially dragging me down. When they weren't happy, I wasn't allowed to be either. Which is just not good for me to be around someone like that considering I suffer from depression.
I'm not bitter btw. I just want to put that out there. I just felt like it was for the best. I needed to protect my peace even if it meant losing the only friend I had left. Sometimes life does things that we just don't understand in the moment, maybe one day I'll understand why it had to be this way.
- Elizabeth
Letting go of relationships that no longer serve us can be incredibly challenging, especially when those connections have deep roots like those from high school or long-term friendships. In my own experience, I found that holding on to a toxic friendship affected my mental health significantly, triggering feelings of sadness and anxiety that I struggled to manage. One of the most helpful strategies I discovered was journaling. Writing down my thoughts and emotions helped me process what I was going through and clarify my feelings away from the sometimes overwhelming opinions and emotions expressed online. This practice slowly reduced my need to share everything publicly and gave me a private, reflective outlet. It’s important to recognize that people change over time, and sometimes those changes can cause a rift in friendship dynamics. When negativity or harmful behaviors—such as insensitive jokes about suicide—start to surface, it’s a sign to reassess whether the relationship is truly supportive or detrimental. For those battling mental health conditions, like Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), maintaining boundaries is crucial to protect your own well-being. Disconnecting from a friend can feel isolating initially, but often it creates space for personal growth and healthier relationships. I noticed a significant improvement in my mood and outlook after stepping back. It’s natural to grieve the loss of a friendship, but sometimes prioritizing your peace is necessary and empowering. If you’re facing a similar situation, consider these steps: practice self-care through journaling or therapy, set clear boundaries about what behavior is acceptable, and don’t hesitate to distance yourself if the relationship harms your mental health. Remember, protecting your peace is not selfish—it’s an essential part of nurturing your inner strength and happiness.
