The day I quit blaming myself,

I used to think

If life isn't what it hopes for,

The wrong person... must always be me.

If I'm not good enough,

If I'm not strong enough,

If I still feel weak,

That would mean

I "didn't try hard enough."

I blame myself for everything.

Sensitive blame

Sorry for thinking a lot

Blame for not dealing with the world as well as others

Even the day my body signaled a break.

I still blame it.

"Why Me"

I never knew that.

Repeated self-blaming

Is to hurt yourself in the quietest form.

It doesn't leave a wound for anyone to see.

But it left a deep mark inside.

Every time I say to myself,

"Because I'm not good enough."

My heart will shrink a little smaller.

Without me noticing.

Until one day...

I'm tired of being an accused in my own life.

I'm starting to raise new questions.

It's not a question to accuse.

But a question to understand.

Maybe...

I'm not weak.

I've just been through a lot.

Maybe...

I didn't fail.

I just walk slower than everyone else.

In a unique path.

Maybe...

My body is not treacherous.

But it's trying to protect me.

In the way it does best.

I gradually saw the fact that

How long have I lived by "forced"?

Strong force

Forced to understand others

Forced silence

Forced to be patient

Until forgetting to ask myself

Can I?

The day I quit blaming myself,

Not the day I understand everything.

But it was the day I stopped aggravating myself.

On the day I was weakest,

I started talking to myself like I had never said before.

Not a great stirring word.

But a simple, sincere word.

"It's not all your fault."

"You did your best in your version."

Just these sentences.

The weight in the chest was also incredibly lighter.

Like someone lifted a heavy item out of my heart

And that person... is me.

I'm starting to understand that.

Remedies

It's not to force yourself to get better.

But is to stop hurting yourself repeatedly.

I'm not complete yet.

Still have a lot of thinking days

There are still weak days.

But I'm not scolding myself the same.

I choose to be beside myself.

On a day when the world is not kind

On a day when I still don't understand life,

On the day I still can't find the answer,

Because of giving up blaming yourself

Not neglect.

But it's to give it a chance.

Give the heart a rest

And let life start over.

Without carrying a fault that is no longer its own.

# Blame yourself # Day to stop blaming yourself # lemon 8 diary