The truth most women don’t want to hear…
I always see many women complaining about how their husbands betrayed them or even abused them.
But girl… from the first mistake, （是我们自己）we chose to forgive.
*It’s not that he has no fault.*
But *it’s us* that kept giving him the chance to make the same mistake again and again.
*It’s us* that chose to stay in our comfort zone.
*It’s us* that couldn’t walk away, so we kept forgiving.
So why would he leave?
When he can still hug another woman while staying with you.
When he can enjoy everything like a king.
In his mind, why should he walk away?
“This girl still helps me with the housework,free s*x, borrow me money and yup.. I beat her but she still stays, she still forgives… why would I leave?”
Every hurt that comes after that somehow starts to feel like something we “deserve”, or something we brought upon ourselves. （*其实某种程度上都是“应得的”，也是自己“自找的”*）
In the end, the one who gets hurt is still you.
If you don’t even love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?
These words may sound harsh.
But I say this because I’ve been through a lot myself.
From personal experience, I've learned that realizing the full impact of forgiveness in a toxic relationship is a crucial turning point. At first, I thought forgiving meant healing, but over time, it became clear that without setting boundaries, forgiveness was actually enabling more hurt. Sometimes, as the saying goes, "the problem isn't him... it's what we keep allowing." This is tough to admit, but acknowledging it can be empowering. Understanding why we choose to forgive repeatedly often comes down to comfort and fear of change. Staying in a familiar situation—even one that causes pain—can feel safer than the uncertainty of walking away. But in my journey, I found that loving myself enough to leave was the most liberating decision I ever made. It wasn't easy, and the process involved confronting harsh truths about what I was willing to tolerate. One important lesson is recognizing that forgiveness should not mean surrender to abuse or betrayal. It's possible to forgive while still protecting your well-being by establishing clear boundaries. When a partner sees that their harmful actions have consequences, it can sometimes motivate change—but if those boundaries aren’t enforced, the cycle tends to continue. This insight resonates deeply with the idea that "every hurt that comes after somehow starts to feel like something we deserve," which I found to be true in my own experience. Breaking free from that mindset requires rebuilding self-esteem and learning to prioritize your own happiness and safety. Support from friends, therapy, or support groups can also be invaluable during this process. Ultimately, self-love isn't just a buzzword; it's the foundation for any healthy relationship—whether with ourselves or others. If we don’t truly love and respect ourselves, we risk falling into patterns of hurt and disappointment. I hope sharing this perspective encourages others who might be silently struggling to see the power in choosing themselves first. Forgiveness can be freeing, but it must come hand in hand with self-respect and courage to walk away when necessary.
