EP16: Am I Your ATM/PA or Your GF
Context: After paying for his rides, his meals, his fruits, she finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. She felt like an ATM/PA to him. Start of her story:
We had only been together for a couple of days when one evening, he suddenly told me it was his dad’s birthday and invited me over to their house for dinner.
I said, “We just started dating… isn’t it a bit inappropriate?”
Eventually I got persuaded and went.
His family members were really nice and welcoming.
After dinner, when I finally got ready to leave, his dad told him, “Send her home. It’s not safe for her to go alone.”
But the moment we stepped outside, my boyfriend looked at me and said, “Can you call a grab for us? I’ll ride with you back to your home.”
So I booked Grab and he insisted on riding with me.
Then when we reached my place, he said, “Can you call another Grab for me to go back home?” Which got me confused.
Another time, we went to the zoo.
He told me he bought the entrance tickets. Inside the zoo, he refused to spend.
But he was hungry. Every five minutes. So I bought breakfast, snacks, lunch and more snacks.
Afterwards, he went out with his friends in the night. He texted me, “Im not getting a grab, Can you book a Grab for us?”
Excuse me?
Three grown men, none of whom could book a grab?
At that point, I’d had enough.
From my personal experience, being in a relationship where one partner expects the other to cover all expenses can be emotionally draining. It’s important to set clear boundaries early on about finances and mutual respect. If you find yourself always paying for transportation, meals, or outings, it might be a red flag indicating an imbalanced relationship. I also learned that communication is key—discuss openly why one partner is reluctant to spend money and how it affects your feelings. Sometimes, financial struggles can be temporary, but consistent reliance on you without reciprocation diminishes the emotional connection. Practical advice: consider splitting costs or alternating who pays for things. When someone asks you to call a ride for them repeatedly, especially adults who can easily handle it themselves, it can feel disrespectful. This behavior might make you feel like you are valued only for financial support instead of companionship. Ultimately, recognizing these signs early can save you from prolonged frustration. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual care, respect, and balanced give-and-take—not just financial support. Sharing your story, just like mine, may help others reflect on their own relationships and take necessary steps to ensure they feel truly valued.
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