To Be Continued

The thought of letting you go

Bruised me deeper than I can confess.

The first day, I wore a mask of calm—

A quiet lie I whispered to my own reflection.

But by dawn’s soft light,

Thoughts of you had rooted in my mind

Like roses tangled with lilies,

Blooming reminders I didn’t ask for,

But can’t bring myself to uproot.

I move through my day

Haunted by the phantom of your good morning,

Grieving the way you’d check on my spirit

Before I even knew it needed tending.

And still, I wrestle with the angel and the devil

Perched on my shoulders,

Pulling me apart in their quiet tug-of-war—

Because I am loving you deeper than I planned,

Wanting you harder than I dared.

But this love—

This love with its borders and caution tape,

It wounds me in invisible places.

It makes my soul weep in the dark,

And my heart bleed in the quiet hours

When no one is watching.

I feel like I’m on life support,

Breath shallow, spirit tired,

Clinging to something that keeps me alive

And slowly kills me all the same.

How many times have I picked up my phone

Just to set it back down,

Longing to type I was just playing—

I don’t want this to end

Hoping you’d do what you always did—

Text until I answer, call until I surrender.

I don’t know—

I want you to try harder,

But I also ache for you to leave me be.

This dilemma has my heart

Choking on tears I can’t swallow.

And by the time this poem ends,

Maybe you’ll understand

How loving you with restraints

Feels like living on life support—

Breath shallow, spirit tired.

You gave me more than butterflies—

You gave me something I couldn’t even name,

And now I’m lost—so lost—

At the thought of going on without you,

Knowing I could never just be your friend.

I found you, and in you

I found a different kind of love—

The sweetest affection I ever tasted

Without even needing to touch skin,

The kind that made me want to stick to you

Worse than glue and honey.

To be continued.

2025/7/6 Edited to

... Read moreThis evocative poem poignantly explores the emotional struggle experienced when loving someone deeply yet under self-imposed or circumstantial restraints. The metaphor of living "on life support—breath shallow, spirit tired" vividly conveys the torment of clinging to love that simultaneously sustains and wounds. Such restrained love often leads to inner conflict, manifested as a "quiet tug-of-war" between wanting closeness and desiring distance. In the realm of love and relationships, this internal push-and-pull is common for individuals coping with unreciprocated feelings, complicated circumstances, or the fear of vulnerability. Psychological studies suggest that emotional restraint in love can stem from self-protection mechanisms or existing life barriers, contributing to feelings of heartbreak, longing, and confusion. The poem's imagery—roses tangled with lilies, phantom good mornings, and whispers to reflections—captures the nuanced dimensions of love's imprint on daily life and mental space. Readers can relate to the experience of revisiting memories and grappling with the shadows of affection that linger beyond physical presence. Furthermore, the poem addresses the modern dilemma of communication hesitation, symbolized by "picking up my phone just to set it back down," reflecting contemporary fears of rejection and vulnerability amplified by digital interactions. For those navigating similar emotional landscapes, understanding these feelings as part of a universal human experience can be empowering. Coping strategies such as mindfulness, expressive writing, or therapy can facilitate healing and clarity when love feels both vital and suffocating. Ultimately, this work invites reflection on the complexity of love bonds that defy easy resolution, highlighting the bittersweet nature of cherishing someone beyond friendship yet acknowledging the pain embedded in such attachments. It is a deeply relatable narrative for anyone who has been lost in the paradox of loving with caution and yearning simultaneously.

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