Disabled people constantly hear others praising our spouses for doing the bare minimum expected in any loving relationship, as though remaining committed to a disabled partner is the ultimate sacrifice. Sometimes, they even make comments like this…which paints disabled people as a burden. It’s quite sad to say such a thing and imply that my existence as a disabled person makes his life less enjoyable.
Meanwhile, what actually happened that night was incredibly ordinary.
I stayed out longer than I physically should have and got sick because…*gasp* I have a serious illness. My husband was exhausted too. We went home together because we went to the event together. And we are married.
And when we got home, he fell asleep almost immediately—perfectly content with the joint decision we made to go home.
These types of comments need to stop.
P.S. I’ve also left events earlier because my husband has been tired. It would never be viewed as an issue, though, because he is able-bodied.
[ID: A video of Syanne, a disabled Afro-Indigenous Latina, speaking directly into the camera. She is wear a white AC/DC tube top. It is in red letters with red rhinestones and a white background. Syanne has tan skin, and a black pixie. She is seated in her power wheelchair in her living room.]
#AbleismAwareness #InterabledLove #DisabilityJustice #ChronicIllnessWarrior #MarriedLife
In my personal experience, navigating an interabled relationship means constantly challenging societal stereotypes that unfairly portray disabled individuals as burdensome. One of the most frustrating misconceptions is the idea that a partner who is able-bodied is somehow sacrificing their enjoyment or freedom by being with a disabled spouse. This assumption, as illustrated in the article, strips away the complexity and normalcy of shared experiences such as attending events together, making mutual decisions, and coping with health challenges as a team. From my perspective, these relationships are defined by partnership and mutual care, not by sacrifice. When my partner and I attend social gatherings, it’s natural that sometimes one or both of us may feel tired or unwell. Choosing to leave early or adjust plans because of these conditions is just part of life, not an extraordinary act due to disability status. The very idea that staying committed to a disabled partner is the “bare minimum” or a heroic sacrifice stems from deeply ingrained ableism—a viewpoint that undervalues disabled people’s autonomy and the reciprocal nature of love. I’ve learned that awareness and open dialogue are vital in dismantling these harmful attitudes. It’s important to recognize that disabilities do not diminish anyone's capacity to love, enjoy life, or share responsibilities equally. Rather than framing disability as preventing ‘fun’ or ‘normal life,’ we should embrace the diverse ways couples create joy and support each other. For example, while my spouse might also be exhausted, just like me, our decisions—such as when to leave an event—are made together, reflecting respect and partnership. Moreover, these ableist views often ignore the emotional labor disabled partners continuously navigate due to otherness in society. They also fail to see that able-bodied partners equally deserve understanding and kindness, not pity or unwarranted praise for their commitment. Challenging these outdated notions helps promote disability justice and fosters healthier narratives around love and marriage. Ultimately, being in an interabled relationship is about honoring vows, mutual respect, and shared life experiences, not about enduring sacrifice or loss. It’s crucial for society to evolve beyond ableist stereotypes and appreciate that disability does not define the quality or value of a relationship. Everyone deserves to be seen as an equal partner, enjoying and contributing to their relationships authentically.