Whose job is it??

When a parent is separated from a child, or the child is grown, whose job is it to make plans to hang out? Whose job is it to build that relationship?

My dad always lived a few states away from me, and I would occasionally spend a week or two there for holiday or in the summer.

When I became an adult he moved to Japan. There he remarried and had my baby sister. I was 28 when she was born, and my son was two. I have scheduled 4 play dates with her since they moved back to the states about year ago, because I know I will not get to know her if I don’t do the leg work.

He doesn’t call, doesn’t message, doesn’t come over.

Neither does his sister, niece, or mother. It’s a very lonely feeling. I haven’t been invited to Christmas, thanksgiving, Easter, or any other family function in at least two years, except my sister’s birthday party last year.

I don’t hate them, and I’m not angry with them. I just want to know why they don’t love me, too?

2024/1/9 Edited to

... Read moreParent-child relationships can be complex, especially when geographical distances and life changes come into play. It's crucial to understand that maintaining these relationships often requires proactive effort from both parties. For parents and children separated by distance or circumstance, establishing ongoing communication is vital. This could be through regular phone calls, video chats, or planned visits that allow for personal connection. Creating shared experiences, such as virtual family gatherings or fun activities during visits, can strengthen bonds and encourage emotional connections. It's also essential to recognize that each family member may have differing views on the relationship. Some may require more direct outreach, while others might be more reserved. Understanding each other's expectations and feelings can foster healthy dialogue. It’s important to approach these sensitive topics with empathy and patience, especially if previous communications have been inconsistent. Many families experience challenges, but by taking initiative and expressing your desire to connect, you can pave the way for improved relations. Ultimately, the commitment to nurture these relationships shows depth of love and respect for one another, even in the face of adversity.

11 comments

ArtemisBethel's images
ArtemisBethel

This is something I struggle with too. I stopped reaching out to my dad. I love him, but I can’t be the only one reaching out. My mom and I both reach out to each other. I’m not about to let my kids get attached to someone who is going to not show up for them.

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