I guess I'm officially Big Unc at the job, lol 🤣🤣🤣. In real life...I barely talk...and I only have 3 facial expressions, 😐🤦🏾‍♂️. Thank GOD I have the Bible app and read alot.

A young brutha I work with recently started dating a woman and came to me looking confused.

A while back, he took some advice I gave him and started going to church. Somewhere along the way, he met a young woman he really liked. She was beautiful, serious about her faith, and had a one-year-old daughter.

The more they talked, the more questions he had.

"She's different," he told me. "But I can't tell if she's being herself or if she's trying to be who she thinks she's supposed to be."

I knew exactly what he meant.

One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is that there are no "leftover" men or women. People aren't expired milk sitting on a shelf past their date. But let's be honest, when people use the term "leftover woman," they're usually talking about a woman who's older, still single, maybe has children, and hasn't found a lasting relationship despite wanting one.

The problem is that label assumes something is wrong with her.

Sometimes that's true. Sometimes people carry unresolved trauma, unrealistic expectations, poor relationship habits, or enough emotional baggage to fill a moving truck. But that's not exclusive to women. Plenty of men are out here with trust issues, commitment problems, baby mama drama, and emotional damage they never dealt with.

A person's relationship status doesn't determine their value. What matters is whether they've done the work to heal, grow, and become emotionally healthy.

I also reminded him that dating someone with a child requires wisdom. The child isn't the issue. A good parent should put their child first. The question is whether you're prepared for everything that comes with that reality—the schedules, responsibilities, divided attention, and sometimes even the presence of an ex.

Then we talked about faith.

I told him I've met people so deep in church culture that they've forgotten how to simply be human. Every conversation sounds like a sermon. Every disagreement becomes spiritual warfare. Every decision needs fifteen confirmations, three fasts, and a prophetic word.

Faith is important. But God also gave us personality, humor, wisdom, common sense, and the ability to enjoy life.

Then I gave him one final piece of advice.

"Be careful. Some people wear masks. Not because they're bad people, but because they want to appear more presentable. They act the way they think a Christian man or woman is supposed to act instead of showing who they really are."

"But if you've found genuine happiness, don't run from it. Embrace it. Just make sure you're falling for the real person and not the performance."

And I told him something else.

If she wants you beside her for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, make sure she's willing to save you a seat.

Not just in church.

Not just when life is easy.

But in her heart, in her plans, in her future, and in her everyday life.

Because healthy relationships aren't built on perfection.

They're built on faith, honesty, emotional maturity, authenticity, and two people choosing each other over and over again.

Balance is underrated.