dating a safe person feels weird to my nervous system
Helu zesTies 💭
hope yall are doing great! we are half way into the year >_< its so fastt
Today's topic is about... how dating an emotionally safe person rewired my nervous system.
Not many people actually talk about how weird it feels to actually be in a healthy connection after being in toxic ones.
For the past 4 years... I had 1 long term relationship with an avoidant and then I met like many more (avoidant dates) subsequently, each time I just got faster at throwing them out my life. I feel that when you are too emotionally mature or open, avoidant doods are attracted to you likka moth to a flame. But they usually can't keep up after the mask falls.
Here's some things I realised after being with my current bf.
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1. Its ok to be unsure of how you are feeling and slowly expressing them.
Because I was so used to people telling me not to express how I felt, it feels weird when someone finally had the space to hold me gently while I learn to say how I'm feeling. Someone actually curious and stable enough to carry my heavy emotions. I think thats the part I appreciate most about my current partner.. and I love him for that. It really felt like a breath of fresh air after feeling alone for years.
2. Your past mistakes do not define you.
No one is perfect and sometimes you make mistakes in life due to your traumas but its totally normal.. most people just wouldnt talk about it because of the shame surrounding it, and some can't accept you for it but its also totally okay. The right ones will embrace you as you are. He offered me the space to share and accepted me as I am.
3. You are lovable the way you are, you are not too much.
I asked him what made him feel loved because I felt like I wasn't doing much for him, he said "as long as you are yourself with me thats enough". I asked him why and he said, its nice to be in your inner world, its a priviledge to see your true self and I enjoy being with you as you are.
And I just havent had anyone told me that before... everyone told me I was too much and too complex but with him he just told me I have a pretty vibrant inner world it seems and that it intrigued him. He has that part to him too and our conversations has been very colourful and deep sometimes.
4. I feel so seen and understood.
We can yap non stop even though its been 4-5 months of us being together. And he just embrace all my random thoughts, things I have learnt, me as my weird self and its just so refreshing to be around him.. where I don't have to perform, I can just be.
5. I can finally sleep in peace.
I have never felt so safe around someone but when I'm with him I just fall asleep instantly hahaha.. before I met him I was struggling with insomnia ><
6. He'a likka happy pill.
Seeing him once a day is enough to melt away the stress heh.
7. Fights feels like a proper discussion and solving shit together.
We were wondering how we would fight because our thoughts and views are always quite similar. So far we had like 3? "discussions" one got quite triggering but we managed to talk it through and find the root cause of the problem instead if just constantly reacting to eachother. It was us against the problem instead of him shutting me out.
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well, thats alll and I hope that all my girlies out there would find someone that is right for them too 🤍💌 Being with him made me realised how love with the right person just flows, its easy, its comforting, its fulfilling and its safe. I don't have to chase, shrink or fight to be understood anymore and I'm just so glad I found him 🤍
xoxo,
tiny 🐧
Latest life updates:
Dating someone emotionally safe brings an unexpected sense of calm that can truly recalibrate how your nervous system reacts. After years of toxic or avoidant relationships, where emotional expression was often met with dismissal or avoidance, finding a partner who provides a safe, supportive environment can feel almost surreal. This new dynamic allows you to slowly open up and share emotions without fear of rejection or judgment, which is a profound form of emotional healing. From my own experience, being able to be unsure and still be accepted has been incredibly freeing. It makes you realize that vulnerability isn’t a weakness but a pathway to deeper intimacy. Many people don't understand how hard it is to unlearn patterns of neglect or emotional unavailability, but an emotionally safe partner gently helps you navigate these feelings at your own pace. Further, this kind of relationship emphasizes acceptance—not just of your strengths but also your flaws and past mistakes. The shame that can weigh down our hearts gradually lifts when someone embraces us completely. Feeling lovable just as you are is a powerful affirmation that fosters self-worth and encourages authenticity. Another important aspect is the joy of being seen and understood without the need to perform or filter your thoughts. This authenticity nurtures your identity and supports growth, which can be a refreshing alternative to emotionally draining dynamics where you constantly feel on edge. The peace that comes with this safety is tangible—it affects basic things like restful sleep, which can be elusive when your nervous system is chronically stressed. The ability to settle quickly into sleep signals a downshift in your autonomic nervous system, indicating safety and calm. Even disagreements become opportunities for connection rather than conflict. Fighting transforms into a collaborative effort to solve issues together, which strengthens trust and mutual respect. In summary, dating a safe person doesn't just change your external circumstances—it rewires your nervous system to operate from a place of safety and ease, offering profound healing and a chance to experience love as it should be: easy, fulfilling, and safe.
