Half here, half there
This is a very hard topic for me to talk about but my coping mechanism is to write, journal etc. so here I am in hopes of meeting like-minded individuals with similar experiences.
My previous post about marriage got some attention and it seemed to relate to a bunch of you. Safe to say that marriage isn't easy, especially at this time and age and especially so if communication is absent most of the marriage.
My parents are getting a divorce, now in their early 60s and i'm in my early 30s. Never expected to land in this shit hole but here I am. Lawyers engaged, ready to split the assets, suddenly forced to sell my childhood home, it all happened in a flash with no space for negotiations. The divorce process is ugly no matter how much you try to sugarcoat it. It doesn't matter how much love, how lovely the memories were. The ugly sides will always find its way through. She'll be talking about how he did not communicate with her and he'll be talking about how she did not treat him as a husband and here we are as adult children, picking up the pieces.
My parents' marriage were on the rocks for many years. Divorce is actually a matter of time. They have been living separate lives for almost 6 years. Ngl, my mom has been the sole breadwinner since my dad's exit and providing for us her whole life - i'm forever grateful for that.
My dad on the other hand was absent most times, from when we were in our early teens but no doubt, I had one of the best childhood. My dad has a soft spot for animals, he would bring us to farms to play with chicks and ducklings, feed the monkeys at MacRitchie reservior and feed the turtles over at Macdonals at Queensway. He was overall kind to me and my brother and there were many fond memories.
I'm the oldest child and, naturally they would lean towards trusting me with this divorce procedure and help them with the administratives. I have now become a middleman between my dad and mom. My dad wants to get this divorce procedure over quickly and agreed to meet me (not my mom) to talk about his terms. I haven't seen him in over 2 years. I do send him messages for his birthdays, new years and update him on my daughter which he has never seen since she was a newborn and she's now 4.
I feel emotional, i don't feel brave enough but i have to. i really want to find out what he has been doing the past few years. i want to still be a part of his life even after the divorce. i still want to be able to take care of him. He has drifted away from us for far too long and for the number of years he was away, we don't know where he lives, who he was with or what he does. He refuses to tell us no matter how much we ask and he chooses to isolate.
I hope that he knows we care for him and that my mom agrees to this divorce because we know he's tired of living in rental flats and is desperate for money. He just want a place of his own. The relationship is irreconcilable anyway and the both of them can finally have a proper closure with this. This honestly sucks but at the end of the day, we want the both of them to be happy with the outcome.
Divorce is often described as emotionally devastating, and my experience has shown me just how deep the impact can be on the whole family. Many of us hope for an amicable separation, but often the reality is far from peaceful. The process tends to unearth painful memories and feelings that have been buried for years. In my case, becoming the middleman between my estranged parents made me realize the toll divorce takes not only on the couple but also on their children. I've learned that handling the practical side—like asset division and communication between divided parents—is just the surface. The real challenge lies in managing the emotional fallout. Even though my dad has been absent for years, I wanted to reconnect and understand what his life has been like, but he chose to isolate himself. This emotional distance brings feelings of confusion, sadness, and a longing for the family to regain some form of connection. Divorce in later life, especially after decades of marriage, involves more than just legal procedures; it’s about redefining relationships and acknowledging the end of a significant chapter. It can also force the sale of places filled with childhood memories, which adds to the grief. While it’s tough to endure, I’ve found that being open and writing about my feelings has helped me cope. Meeting others who have faced similar situations provides solidarity and hope. For anyone going through this, I suggest allowing yourself to feel all the emotions — anger, sorrow, relief — without judgment. Communication, though difficult, is key in reaching closure. Remember, even after a painful separation, it’s possible to find a new kind of balance and peace for everyone involved.
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