Now I feel like the worst mom alive
Right now, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m failing. This morning, my daughter refused to get dressed for school, just messing around with her toy. I warned her over and over about if she didn’t get dressed, I would take the toy away. When she still didn’t listen, I grabbed it and headed for the door.
My arm was halfway out when she tried to slam the door on me. I pulled my arm back just in time, but something snapped so I yelled: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” straight in her face. It’s the second time in two days she’s almost crushed my hand or arm with a door she’s slamming.
Now I’m at work replaying it nonstop, my voice, her running to hide, that terrified look on her face. I’m scared I’m turning into my mom and that’s my worst fear. I feel like I can’t do anything right. How can I stop myself turning into my abusive mom? Or is it how it is?
Parenting can often feel like an emotional rollercoaster, especially when moments of frustration spiral into guilt. It's important to recognize that yelling or feeling overwhelmed doesn't make you a bad mom—it makes you human. Many parents have been in your shoes, feeling scared about repeating patterns from their own upbringing or turning into behaviors they fear. One key step is to develop awareness and self-compassion. When you notice yourself getting upset, try to pause and take a deep breath before reacting. This creates space to respond more calmly, rather than automatically reverting to past models of discipline. Remember, setting boundaries for your child can be firm without being harsh. It also helps to talk openly about your feelings with trusted friends, family, or support groups. Sharing your struggles reduces isolation and allows you to gain perspective. Professional help from counselors or parenting coaches can offer personalized strategies to break unhealthy cycles. Also, reflect on the moments you connect positively with your child—those times when patience and love shine through. Building on these will strengthen your parenting confidence and reduce guilt. If your child acts out, try to understand the reasons behind the behavior, such as seeking attention or testing limits. Responding with empathy while maintaining clear expectations fosters trust and cooperation. Remember the phrase "I screamed in my toddler's face this morning" is something many parents have experienced in some form but it doesn't define your entire relationship or identity. Healing and growth are always possible. You’re not alone, and every step you take towards understanding and kindness is a step away from the fears holding you back.
You can go back, mama. Pick her up from school, tell her you’re sorry. You were frustrated and shocked, she did a bad thing, but that doesn’t mean she deserved to be yelled at. These things happen, even when we’ve planned on being “better” or “perfect”. Being a mom is often overstimulating and hard. Your daughter loves you, and you’re the safest place she’ll ever be.