The hardest part of letting go 🖤
I think it’s time for me to stop writing about this for a while.
I don’t really know why I kept coming back to it.
Maybe because getting the words out was easier than letting them sit in my head.
Living with BPD kicks my ass most days.
Some days I don’t even feel like myself.
For a long time she kept that part of me quieter.
I’ll always give her credit for that.
She was good to me in ways I didn’t understand until she was gone.
I also understand why she doesn’t want anything to do with me now.
Looking back hurts, but pretending it doesn’t would just be another lie.
So I think it’s time to let these posts go.
Maybe I’ll disappear from here again.
Maybe I’ll come back next year.
Maybe I won’t.
I don’t know.
The truth is, I’ve spent a long time trying to understand why losing one person changed me so much.
Some days it feels like I met her and left a piece of myself there.
Other days I realize I’ve been searching for that missing piece in the wrong place.
Maybe it isn’t with her anymore.
Maybe it’s something I have to rebuild myself.
I’m still carrying regret.
I’ll probably carry some of it for the rest of my life.
But I can’t spend the rest of my life standing in the same moment.
I’ve got things I still want to do.
Places I still want to see.
A future I haven’t lived yet.
I don’t know exactly who I’ll become.
I just know I can’t keep asking the same questions forever.
Seven years mattered to me.
They always will.
That doesn’t mean the next chapter has to be about reliving the last one.
If this is my last post about her for a while, then maybe that’s enough.
Not because I stopped caring.
Because I finally want to find out who I am when every thought doesn’t begin with her.
Letting go is often described as one of the toughest emotional challenges we face, especially when intertwined with complex mental health issues like borderline personality disorder (BPD). From my experience, the hardest part isn’t the act itself but navigating the waves of mixed feelings that follow — regret, sorrow, confusion, and hope all at once. BPD can intensify these emotions, making it feel like you’re not fully yourself sometimes. For me, the phrase, "i think you knew how much you meant to me and that is where it all started to go wrong," really resonated. It’s that deep-seated awareness of how powerful our attachments are and how their decline can lead to inner turmoil. Writing or talking about such pain provided temporary relief; it was easier than keeping everything swirling in my head. One thing I’ve come to realize is that while some relationships may help us quiet our storms temporarily, growth often means learning to be alone with our emotions and rebuilding from within. The process involves accepting the past and the role regret plays — it’s part of healing but shouldn’t define your future. Moving forward means embracing uncertainty: not knowing exactly who you’ll become but trusting that the next chapter awaits your courage to write it. If you’re dealing with similar struggles, remember that it’s okay to pause. Sometimes stepping away from reminders of loss or painful memories isn’t giving up — it’s giving yourself space to heal. It’s essential to focus on self-discovery, on finding joy and purpose beyond what you’ve lost. This journey can be slow and nonlinear, but it opens doors to new experiences, places to see, and dreams to chase that belong uniquely to you. In managing BPD alongside heartbreak, I found that reaching out for support — whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends — helps anchor the chaos. Sharing your story can be powerful, but so is allowing silence and reflection. Ultimately, letting go isn’t about forgetting but about reclaiming your identity and finding peace within yourself, even if some scars remain. Learning who you are without that person at the center of your thoughts is possibly the greatest gift you can give yourself. It’s a journey marked by resilience, courage, and hope — one that reminds us all that while the hardest part of letting go hurts deeply, it also holds the potential for profound growth and new beginnings.
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