Finding myself again (corporate edition)
Realising and knowing you have to leave that toxic boss/environment (or when you have left) is also probably when you started knowing more about yourself in the professional setting.
My strengths have always been (and what im aware of) that i have a positive attitude towards learning, adaptable, some form of perfectionism and hence i would always deliver as best as i could. I also had a high sense of humility and empathy, in that i tend to second guess myself and could understand where others' perspectives and ideas were coming from.
Well, i thought i was a great employee, and always adapted and refined my work as comments and guidance were given as i cleared my work up the chain.
But i was lacking two things - confidence and conviction. And that made me the perfect candidate for manipulation. Every piece of work that i did my best for, always came back with things to amend. Every comment that said what i didnt do well in was absorbed fully because i wanted to be better and i believed that every mistake must have been mine if my boss said it was. Everything that was a job well done belonged to my boss, because of course he was better than me in every aspect.
Despite everything, i could be counted on to continue delivering to the best of my abilities. I was kept in my place, taught to never question and continue grinding, that perhaps one day i would be a quality staff too.
But the negativity eventually got to me and made me question the value of my being in this role, of the purpose of me going to work everyday. And one day, i knew i couldnt handle the dread and misalignment anymore, i quit.
I quit. And standing outside of the circle now, i could see with greater clarity what was happening. How my desire to be appreciated and recognised for my work clouded my ability to see that i was being gaslighted into forever doing more, but never knowing my true value and would never have gotten the validation i wanted.
Now i take a few steps back and i saw how much ive grown and adapted in those days of churning out work after work, almost void of emotions and numb to feedback. I forgot how much i yearned to thrive in my workplace, i forgot about the person who was excited to put in the extra effort, go the extra mile to get things done because i knew it would bear fruits (and not go round and round in circles). And i wanted her back.
I hope i bring this clarity and maturity with me to the next job, where i dont allow it to take over my life, where i can see the/my value, and allow me to dream a little here - may i be able to look forward to work ✨
#corporatejob #quittingisnotfailure #selfreflection #selfhealing #9to5struggles
Navigating the corporate world can often feel like walking through a maze, especially when burdened by toxic leadership and overwhelming negativity. Many professionals experience what is commonly known as "brain fog"—a clouded feeling that diminishes motivation and clarity. This state can deeply affect performance and self-esteem over time. From my experience, recognizing these feelings was the first step towards breaking free. The phrase "From Brain Fog to Crystal Clear" resonates with me as it echoes the transition from confusion and self-doubt to clarity and self-awareness. It’s vital to acknowledge that toxic environments often manipulate employees through constant criticism disguised as constructive feedback. This gaslighting can erode one’s confidence and conviction, leaving talented individuals doubting their worth. What helped me regain my sense of self was stepping back and reflecting honestly on my strengths—adaptability, a positive learning attitude, empathy, and a drive for perfection. However, I realized that strengths alone are insufficient without confidence to assert one’s boundaries and ideas. Learning to trust my voice and stand firm against unwarranted criticism was transformative. In this journey, self-reflection and healing became critical tools. They allowed me to understand that quitting was not a failure but an act of self-respect and empowerment. It’s essential to accept that some workplaces are not conducive to growth, and leaving them can open doors to healthier opportunities. As you move forward in your career, remember to prioritize your mental well-being and personal growth. Seek environments where your contributions are valued, where constructive feedback encourages improvement without diminishing your confidence. Cultivating clarity in your professional path involves setting realistic goals and learning from past experiences without being trapped by them. Ultimately, thriving at work means more than just delivering excellence—it’s about feeling fulfilled and recognized in a supportive atmosphere. By embracing your journey "from brain fog to crystal clear," you can reclaim your professional identity and look forward to work with renewed enthusiasm and purpose.
hey i just wanted to say congrats on getting out! it’s a very brave thing that you have done for yourself and i wish you the best in your next chapter! ✨ i hope you’ll find a boss who truly appreciates your dedication and supports your drive to grow.