Would you call this selfish of me or fair ?

I have 2 credit cards that I never fully paid off (plus a few medical bills). And my husband has been helping me pay them down. 😅 i feels like it’s mostly fair cause he’s my man, and he’s the one who’s supposed to make sure we’re good on all aspects. If I need help, he’s supposed to support me.

But another part of me sometimes feels bad because this debt has been following me since before we got married—like, back when we were both still living with our parents. It’s not even a huge amount (less than $5k), but still it’s old stuff that I should’ve handled by now.

Do you think it’s selfish or fair when a spouse helps pay off the other’s pre-marriage debt? 🥴

And have you ever had to pay off your partner’s debt and how did you feel about it ?

#AskLemon8 #relationships #finance #GirlTalk #debtmanagement

2025/10/21 Edited to

60 comments

Leilani's images
Leilani

I think it’s sweet he wants to help out with the debt because you didn’t ask him to do it he just did it and that’s a real man who loves you

See more(1)

See more comments

Related posts

A handwritten guide on lined paper titled 'Self-care' in a blue cloud, decorated with colorful butterflies. It defines self-care and lists practices for mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and social well-being, including real-life examples like resting without guilt and setting boundaries.
🌸 Self-Care Isn’t Selfish! 🌸
Self-care is more than bubble baths and candles, it’s the intentional practice of tending to your mental, emotional, physical, social, and spiritual well-being. ✨ Here are some ways you can nourish yourself in every area: 🧠 Mental — Journal your thoughts, say no to overstimulation, reframe ne
Jessica Irene

Jessica Irene

5515 likes

Does that make you selfish??
You should never have to beg for what you deserve. You should never have to beg for the bare minimum. And you certainly should never have to feel selfish for wanting the same effort that you’re already giving! HOW could that make you selfish?? If you are needing to fight for effort from someone
jessica.writes.✨

jessica.writes.✨

59 likes

Be Selfish With Your Writing Time 𝜗𝜚
“Be selfish with your writing time.” I heard that years ago, and it stayed with me—not because it sounded harsh, but because it was honest. Writing asks for something rare: your attention, your quiet, your presence. And those things are fragile. They get interrupted, postponed, given away in
Ali Wilde

Ali Wilde

113 likes

You’re Not Selfish for Choosing Peace
Some people were only meant for an older version of you. Growth can feel lonely, but protecting your peace is part of becoming who you’re meant to be. #selfgrowth #healingjourney #lettinggo #selfrespect #peaceofmind
Jacob Dyal | Focus

Jacob Dyal | Focus

359 likes

A handwritten note on lined paper defines 'Selfish' as prioritizing one's own needs without regard for impact, driven by ego. 'Selfless' is defined as prioritizing others' needs with compassion, often at personal cost. The image introduces 'Self-full' as the middle ground: honoring your needs while caring for others.
Selfish Versus Selfless
#boundaries #healingjourney #codependencyrecovery #selfcare #youmatter Finding the middle ground between being selfish versus selfless.
Jessica Irene

Jessica Irene

384 likes

when you start taking care of yourself, let them call you selfish 🤍
nobody tells you this... 🤍 the moment you start taking care of yourself, people will call you selfish. let them. because the ones who truly love you will celebrate you choosing yourself. the ones who don't? that's your answer. save this for when you need it 🤍 follow for
Low Pressure Club

Low Pressure Club

1 like

A woman in a white top and leggings takes a mirror selfie, with text overlayed: "SELFISH IS THE NEW Soft." It also states "THE ERA OF PEOPLE PLEASING IS OVER. PROTECT YOUR PEACE AT ALL COST. A SOFT GIRL CHOOSES HERSELF-ON PURPOSE."
A dimly lit bathroom scene with a lit candle and text: "WOMEN WERE TAUGHT THAT EXHAUSTION WAS LOVE. THAT IF WE WERE ALWAYS AVAILABLE, ALWAYS GIVING, ALWAYS SACRIFICING... WE WERE 'GOOD WOMEN.'"
A dimly lit bathroom scene with a lit candle and text: "BUT THE MOMENT A WOMAN CHOOSES HERSELF, SUDDENLY SHE'S 'SELFISH.' SELFISH FOR RESTING. SELFISH FOR SAYING NO. SELFISH FOR PROTECTING HER PEACE."
Selfish Is the New Soft Soft Villain Series Vol.4
Women were taught that exhaustion was love. That if we were always available, always giving, always sacrificing… we were “good women.” But the moment we choose ourselves? We’re called selfish. This is your reminder that self preservation is not selfish… it’s necessary. Save this and send
Soft Life Society

Soft Life Society

63 likes

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish
I felt guilty for choosing peace… until I realized how much it was costing me to stay. For a long time, I thought leaving meant I was giving up. That setting boundaries meant I was being selfish. That choosing myself meant I was the problem. But staying quiet, staying available, staying sma
Laniece Honey

Laniece Honey

327 likes

A handwritten emotional letter on lined paper, expressing a person's inability to walk away from a past love despite being hurt. The text conveys regret, longing, and a belief that life would have been better together. 'Lemon8' and a username are visible at the bottom.
selfish
#greylabrys
GreyLabrys

GreyLabrys

58 likes

Self Love Isn’t Selfish…it’s Essential
🌸✨ **Self-Love Isn't Selfish... It's Essential!** ✨🌸 How often do you put everyone else's needs before your own? 💖 In a world that constantly asks us to give, serve, and show up for others, it's important to remember that **you cannot pour from an empty cup.** Taking time for
AngelicCelestialWhispers

AngelicCelestialWhispers

11 likes

Self - Care isn’t selfish💕
1. Set Boundaries & Stick to Them – Define clear work hours and family time. Communicate them to your employer, clients, and family so you’re not constantly pulled in different directions. 2. Simplify & Prioritize – You don’t have to do it all. Focus on what truly matters each
theᥫ��᭡selfishᥫ᭡SAHM

theᥫ᭡selfishᥫ᭡SAHM

96 likes

Boundaries aren’t selfish ✨
Drawing clear personal limits is truly one of the purest forms of self-compassion you can practice. No person around you is automatically entitled to your spare time or emotional bandwidth. Master the courage to turn down requests that drain you, and guard your inner tranquility above all else. —
SteadyInner

SteadyInner

14 likes

💛 Self-Care Isn't Selfish | A Reminder I Needed Too ✨
For a long time, I thought rest had to be earned. I thought taking a break meant I wasn't doing enough. I thought slowing down meant falling behind. Healing taught me something different. 💛 Rest is productive. 💛 Boundaries are healthy. 💛 Taking care of yourself is necessary. 💛 You
Cooking Through Pain 🩹

Cooking Through Pain 🩹

20 likes

An open mini-fridge is shown, filled with meal prep containers, drinks, and snacks. On top of the fridge are rice cakes, cashews, and water bottles. An overlay reads: 'Got a mini fridge for meal prep, my mom says I'm "hoarding food."'
Am I selfish for keeping it?
I bought a mini fridge for my room to store my meal prep, fruits, veggies, and some pricier stuff like 0% cottage cheese. I like eating healthy and don’t want my family eating through the food I budget for myself. The other day my dad wanted cottage cheese, but my mom had used up the 2% one. She
glazii

glazii

3031 likes

Part 2 NEGLECTING YOUR HEALTH IS SELFISH
Health is wealth but also its selfish to neglect your health. #fitness #motivationalvideo Los Angeles County
Daily Peptalks Tv

Daily Peptalks Tv

14 likes

A flat lay with a notebook, pen, hair clip, perfume, and dried flowers, featuring the text "If Only I Knew These 3 Sooner" and the account handle.
A dried plant stem against a light brown background with the number "1" and the text "STOP COMPARING YOUR JOURNEY" overlaid.
A dried plant stem against a light brown background with the number "2" and the text "PRIORITIZE SELF-LOVE" overlaid.
Why You Should Be Selfish
If you don’t prioritize your own life, no one else will. We’re often taught that putting ourselves first is selfish, but the reality is that being “selfish” might be the most generous thing you can do—not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. Advice for Prioritizing Your Life: 1. B
BalanceAffluenc

BalanceAffluenc

22 likes

✨"Self-care isn’t selfish—it's survival✨
Protect your peace, prioritize your rest, and pour into yourself like you do for others. 💆🏽‍♀️✨ #SelfCareMatters #ProtectYourEnergy " #selfcareroutine #peace #happiness
Qnita

Qnita

27 likes

How do I make myself a priority? Step 1: Tell yourself it's OK to be selfish. ... Step 2
How do I make myself a priority? Step 1: Tell yourself it's OK to be selfish. ... Step 2: Write down three things that are priorities in your life. ... Step 3: Identify what is holding you back. ... Step 4: Ask yourself: What is it that will make me happy? ... Step 5: Write down five
Mindset Hustle TV ™

Mindset Hustle TV ™

12 likes

SAVE THIS 💾 Choosing Yourself Is Not Selfish ☀️
Sometimes healing starts when you finally become honest with yourself. ☀️ Not every situation deserved your silence. Not every person deserved unlimited access to your heart. And not every version of you deserves to follow you into your next chapter. Growth is learning: 💛 stronger boundari
WellnessByDestiny

WellnessByDestiny

24 likes

✨ Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re self-respect
💛 Emotional boundaries protect your peace. 💛 Energy boundaries protect your spirit. 💛 Time boundaries protect your priorities. 💛 Saying no to negative self-talk protects your mind. You’re allowed to protect your peace and still be a kind person. #Boundaries #SelfCare #EnergyProtection
Thegreengoddesscreations

Thegreengoddesscreations

118 likes

In my selfish era I don’t play about me🥰🫦💓
#gemini #ai #prettygirlvibes #beauty #lifestyle
ItgirlAngel🥂

ItgirlAngel🥂

39 likes

Selfish for Healing
Sometimes, choosing yourself feels selfish—but it’s the first step toward true healing. Protect your peace, set boundaries, and embrace the journey to becoming the best version of you. 💛 #SelfCareIsntSelfish #ChooseYourself #HealingJourney #BoundariesMatter #PrioritizeYourPeace
MLYM

MLYM

315 likes

Til death do US part. Don’t be selfish 🤣
#husband #wife #marriage #love #Lemon8Diary
Sara Bauer

Sara Bauer

21 likes

A flat lay of self-care items on a white bed, including a laptop, a magazine titled 'the gentlewoman', wireless earbuds, and a planner. The image is captioned 'Things I Do To Take Care of Me #15DaysHealthier'.
A pink yoga mat, a white tote bag, sunglasses, and white sneakers are arranged on a floor next to a white door. The image is captioned 'exercise & move my body'.
A person's legs in fuzzy brown slippers are next to a bathtub filled with water, a lit candle, and a bar of soap. The image is captioned 'adhere to a nighttime routine'.
Putting Yourself First is NOT SELFISH
self care, both physical and mental, is super important to me. it’s essential to prioritize your mind, body, and soul to be the best version of yourself. these are just a few things i do, but i would love to share more. pictures are not mine. #embracevulnerability #mentalhealth #holist
Fiona Dunphy🥭🪩

Fiona Dunphy🥭🪩

64 likes

A motivational quote on a light background, encouraging self-prioritization and self-care for those who put themselves last. It includes the text 'This is for someone: Who's been putting themselves last for too long. You are worth prioritizing.' with a Lemon8 logo and username.
You aren't selfish
"There’s a moment in life when you stop apologizing for protecting your peace. You’re not selfish—you’ve just learned to value yourself. True love and understanding come when we respect our own boundaries while still extending kindness to others. The poet's words remind us: standing firm is
__hearfelt

__hearfelt

18 likes

Choose You First 💗 | Self-Love Isn’t Selfish
Start showing up for yourself like never before. This is your sign to set boundaries, speak kindly to yourself, and glow from within. Real self-love is quiet confidence, daily care, and knowing you’re enough without validation. Follow for more self-worth reminders, healing tips, and mindset shifts.
NeeNee💖

NeeNee💖

116 likes

✨ Choosing myself isn’t selfish—it’s stewardship.
I’m choosing peace over pressure. I’m choosing growth over comfort. I’m choosing faith over fear. I’m choosing the woman God is calling me to become. When I become healthier, stronger, and happier, everyone I love benefits too. 🤍 What’s one thing you’re choosing today? 💕 #fyp #womenwho
Kels

Kels

18 likes

“Protecting my peace is not selfish.”
I’ve spent so much time trying to pour into others… trying to fix, help, understand everything and everyone. But I realized something— I can’t heal people who don’t want to heal. So I’m choosing something different now: peace, boundaries, and a lighter life. If it drains me, confuses me
Stormy Jade • LifeWithGraceXO3

Stormy Jade • LifeWithGraceXO3

12 likes

Self-care is not selfish
Gentle Reminder: You are not obligated to sacrifice your own peace, energy, or well-being for the comfort of others. It's important to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Self-care is not selfish; it's necessary for your own growth and happiness. You don’t need to burn yourse
Soul Journal

Soul Journal

13 likes

🌻SELF CARE AINT’T SELFISH 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🌻
#lemon8partner #lemon8creator #Lemon8Diary #lemon8diarychallenege #selfcare
Yannah 🌻Corporate Momma🌻

Yannah 🌻Corporate Momma🌻

19 likes

A mother in a white dress carries her child across a vast, light-colored landscape under a bright blue sky. The image features the bold text, "Motherhood Should Make You SELFISH" and the hashtag "#MOMHOTTAKE."
A mother holds her child, viewed from behind, against a backdrop of a salt flat and blue sky. Overlay text advises being "selfish with your time" to protect energy, set boundaries, and be fully present for children.
A mother holds her child, viewed from behind, on a salt flat under a blue sky. Overlay text emphasizes being "selfish with your kids safety/comfort" by prioritizing their well-being, setting boundaries, and protecting them.
motherhood SHOULD make you selfish!!
hello ◡̈ It’s true, motherhood should make you selfish in the ways that really matter. Of course, it also makes you incredibly selfless in so many ways. But there are certain things you should be selfish about… for the sake of yourself and your family. Setting boundaries and protecting your peace
mom | sierra ◡̈

mom | sierra ◡̈

19 likes

Selfish 🌸🫶
I want you all to myself♥️ #Lemon8Diary
Stacey-Ms. Thang❤️

Stacey-Ms. Thang❤️

53 likes

“Self-care isn’t selfish ✨🛁 #GlowUp”
#glowup🌟✨💫 #selfcare🖤 #glowupnaturally #pretty
BUN-🐝.🤍

BUN-🐝.🤍

91 likes

A small dog stands on the center console of a car, with text overlay stating friends called the owner selfish for refusing to lend the car.
The view from inside a car looking at other vehicles, with text overlay describing friends' reaction to being denied the car.
The rear exterior of a dark SUV, with text overlay explaining the refusal was due to plans and protecting possessions and peace of mind.
Was I Selfish or Just Setting Boundaries?
My friends asked to use my car, and when I refused, they called me dramatic and asked if I was being selfish. I said no because I had plans and couldn’t risk my car being used without me. It wasn’t about not caring it was about protecting my time, my things, and my peace of mind. Saying no doesn’t
Beauty

Beauty

18 likes

Selfish
I’m about to be selfish with myself from now on. #selfishnotselfish #addiction #itrustmyself #embracevulnerability #recoveryjourney #healingjourney #onedayatatime #substanceabuse #shewillrecover #wedorecover
Work n Progress

Work n Progress

9 likes

Protecting your peace is not selfish
Protecting your peace is not selfish but it is wisdom. You don’t need to explain every boundary, answer every message, or participate in every conflict. Some of the strongest healing happens when you become more selective with your energy. The right people will respect your limits. Save this remind
Pretty Unshaken

Pretty Unshaken

5 likes

Protecting your peace isn’t selfish 💗
For a long time I thought boundaries meant I was being difficult, cold, or “too much.” 💭 But I’m finally learning that protecting my peace is actually an act of self-respect. Not everyone deserves unlimited access to your energy, your time, or your softness. Healthy boundaries don’t push t
BraveMomma

BraveMomma

6 likes

Self Care isn't Selfish it's Mental Health
Slowing down in our fast-paced world can be a transformative practice that nurtures both our mind and body. As we take a step back from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we open ourselves to the beauty of the present moment. This mindful approach allows us to reconnect with our inner selves,
The Boho Apothecary

The Boho Apothecary

409 likes

A man with black messy hair and dark circles under his eyes looks left with a serious expression. A speech bubble above him says "HYEONDO?". The word "TURN" is visible at the bottom left.
A woman with brown hair tied in a bun smiles slightly, looking right. She has pink eyes and is wearing a gold necklace.
Two speech bubbles are shown. The top one asks, "YOU CAME EARLY. HAVE YOU BEEN WAITING LONG?" The bottom one replies, "NO, NOT REALLY...".
selfish romance 🖤
This WEBTOON is still ongoing season 1 just ended :) trigger warnings on some chapters ⚠️ #manhwa #romance #reading #webtoon
princesaokami

princesaokami

228 likes

Is this self care or selfish?
I don’t believe everyone deserves access to me just because it’s Christmas. My time, energy, and peace are limited, and I’m done feeling guilty for protecting them during the holidays. Family, friends, family, friends… get upset when I don’t have the time or energy to spend with them… I get it, it’
cici

cici

27 likes

Self care isn’t selfish
These are a few things that have made a huge difference in my mental health as well as my over all wellbeing! Life can be hectic & taxing & we all deserve to cultivate self love & create a routine & atmosphere that helps us feel beautiful, loved & safe.
Adz_XoXo

Adz_XoXo

38 likes

Self-Love isn’t selfish…
Self-love isn’t selfish — it’s sacred. It’s choosing to pour into yourself so you can overflow into others from a place of peace, not emptiness. It’s setting boundaries, protecting your energy, and honouring your worth without guilt or apology. When you love yourself deeply, you show the world how
Empire Rise

Empire Rise

47 likes

Boundaries aren’t selfish.
Quiet confidence hits different 🖤 Do you move in silence or speak openly? • Dark feminine energy isn’t about being distant. It’s about being intentional. When you stop explaining yourself, reacting emotionally, and over-giving… your presence becomes undeniable. Move in silence. Let your
DhatGworlPrtyBrwn

DhatGworlPrtyBrwn

27 likes

Sometimes you gotta be selfish about you 💖✨
#self love 💗 #selflovequotes #gifts #imjustagirl #repostpls
Ketsia

Ketsia

17 likes

You're either crazy, selfish or pretty lucky 🤞
This is an absolute game changer, but most people will scroll right past this, because they think they already know what it is and they don't. This is one of the simplest side hustles that I have ever seen. I found it fifteen months ago and it's completely changed my view of what making m
Kimberly White

Kimberly White

1 like

See more