no-situationships in 2024 pt. 2
what are the odds, that as i created, edited, and captioned my last post- i received a message from the very person i was talking about.
these things have been a whirlwind for me, as i tend to be a very emotional person with an intense inner world. i used to feel so much shame and anger towards myself for letting people in, only to later see their true intentions. and as i grow more comfortable within my own heart, i realize that holding people close to you is NOT a bad thing. i need to create boundaries, not walls. i need to be selective about who i let in, not become closed off. loving people is a beautiful fucking thing.
there are ways to approach a pattern like this, one of tumultuous relationships that confuse every fiber of your being; and those ways don’t include changing the person you are and becoming someone you’re not. even if you feel like you’re lost now, because of the way someone treated you, your heart is still within you. your spirit is still alive, so let it be reborn.
i told this person that i needed space for my mental, but really what I wanted to say was that i hated the way the word love sounded in his mouth. like it was a toy, something to pick up and play with before discarding it again. just as he did with the women in his life, in an appalling string of admittances. 😳 (that’s for another post entirely, though i don’t intend on ever creating it.)
he responded with a very dismissive comment, mentioning how we’d only met a few days ago, but how he’d be here for me if i needed something. i almost responded to this message, almost. but in moments like this, glance at that list of blaring, flashing, and waving red flags and caution signs. (if you haven’t made one yet? now you know what you need to do before bed tomorrow.)
the moment i felt grounded in my reality, of knowing how i deserve someone willing to care for me, i stopped typing and i deleted our conversation.
i have to start trusting myself, and my ability to care for myself in the same way i want others to.
how can i expect someone to love me in a quality i cannot love myself?
I totally get it – navigating the world of 'no situationships' and trying to avoid being on someone's 'roster' can feel incredibly draining. It's easy to get caught up in the emotional rollercoaster, wondering where you stand and why things aren't progressing. Just like the original post shared, there comes a moment when you realize enough is enough, and it's time to choose *you*. So, how do we actually do that? How do we move from recognizing red flags to confidently saying 'no' and protecting our peace? It starts with understanding what those red flags often look like, beyond just a gut feeling. Inconsistent communication, avoiding labels, only wanting to hang out privately, or a general reluctance to integrate you into their wider life – these are all flashing signs. If they can't clearly define what you are, chances are, you're in a situationship. And if they're constantly boasting about other prospects or keeping their options wide open, you might be dealing with a 'roster' mentality. The shift truly happens when you start building strong boundaries, not walls. Walls keep everyone out, but boundaries teach people how to treat you. This might mean deciding for yourself when it's okay to respond to messages, or even, as one of those powerful images suggests, mentally revoking someone’s 'phone privileges' by silencing their notifications. It's about taking back control of your emotional space and time. Don't be afraid to clearly communicate what you need and what you won't tolerate. If someone can't respect those boundaries, then they're not for you. Another huge part of this journey is cultivating self-love and truly trusting ourselves. We often get so caught up trying to make things work with someone else that we lose sight of our own needs and desires. Remember that powerful message from the OCR: 'YOU'RE BECOMING MORE OF YOURSELF EACH DAY THAT'S SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE. let's start trusting ourselves.' This isn't just a feel-good quote; it's a profound truth. The more you trust your intuition and value your own worth, the clearer those red flags become, and the easier it is to walk away. How can you expect someone else to love you fully if you haven't fully embraced yourself? And what about those 'messages never sent'? We've all been there – drafting a perfect response, wanting to express everything, only to pause. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is not send it. Those unsent messages are often moments of self-preservation, where your inner wisdom is telling you to step back. Instead of dwelling on what you could have said, channel that energy into journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or engaging in activities that bring you joy. Processing those feelings without engaging with the source of the pain is a massive step towards healing and reclaiming your power. Ultimately, breaking free from situationships and the 'roster' cycle is about choosing genuine connections and demanding the respect you deserve. It's okay to delete conversations, block numbers, and create space for people who are willing to invest in a meaningful relationship. You're not being 'too much' or 'too emotional' for wanting clarity and commitment. You're just honoring your true self and becoming the person you're meant to be. Keep trusting your gut, keep celebrating your growth, and know that you're attracting the love you truly deserve.
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