Story Time - Part 2
Pregnancy brings all kinds of emotions and uncertainty. My first pregnancy I felt so connected to my daughter. Her name felt right from the moment I picked it out. Almost like it was meant to be her name. A perfect fit.
However with my son, his dad and I picked out the name. I didn’t feel that strong connection to my son throughout my pregnancy. I guess I was too stuck in my own head to fully enjoy this pregnancy.
His name didn’t ‘feel’ right and I didn’t like the sound of it right up until he was brought into the world.
It’s crazy because while the entire time he was growing in my belly, I was scared I wasn’t going to love him as much as my daughter. Hormones were really messing with me during his stay in my belly.
Though the moment he was born, everything, and I mean absolutely everything fell right into place.
His name made perfect sense and fit him so well I couldn’t imagine him with any other name.
I loved him so much and realized that he was what I was missing. The bond between him and his sister is something I hope they both will cherish as they get older.
And for a while, everything felt right and great. Until it didn’t.
I suddenly became so aware of how damaged I was from my own ‘family’ and all I went through with my daughter when she was an infant. It became clear when I could t let my son out of my site for a moment. When any time he wasn’t in my arms, I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t want to leave him with anyone ever. I didn’t want anyone holding him or watching him without me. I could barely leave the house on my own or even with both of the kids.
My anxiety was at its highest it’s been and it was affecting my ability to be a great mom to my babies.
Finally I went to the dr and got on some meds to help with my anxiety and the depression that was trying to sneak back in.
And after a while, I felt better and I felt calmer and the thought of my son being with others didn’t send me straight into a panic attack.
Yet still, I didn’t feel like me.
#storytime #embracevulnerability #Lemon8Diary #mentalhealthjourney #mentalhealth #happyyourehere
It’s funny how much pressure we put on ourselves, isn't it? Especially during pregnancy. Everyone talks about the "pregnancy glow" and how magical it is, but honestly, for me, it was a rollercoaster of emotions that often felt anything but glowing. When I saw that query "inside out disgust pregnant," it really resonated with a part of my experience that I rarely articulated. It’s like, when you're pregnant, there's this unspoken rule that you should be radiating joy and excitement 24/7. But what if you're not? What if, internally, you're battling feelings that feel more akin to "Disgust" or "Sadness" from Inside Out? I remember feeling this immense guilt because I wasn't experiencing the blissful connection with my second baby that I had with my first. Hormones were swirling, and some days, it felt like my body wasn't even my own. There were moments of profound uncertainty, even a strange aversion to certain things – smells, foods, sometimes even the idea of being pregnant itself. It wasn't that I didn't want my baby; it was just that the experience of pregnancy could be incredibly overwhelming and, dare I say, unpleasant at times. It’s hard to admit, but sometimes, the sheer physical and emotional toll made me feel a deep sense of aversion to the whole process. That's where the "disgust" feeling comes in, not towards the baby, but towards the uncontrollable changes and discomforts. It’s crucial to understand that these feelings, however uncomfortable, are far more common than social media might lead us to believe. Many pregnant individuals grapple with unexpected negative emotions, from anxiety and irritation to a profound sense of detachment or even aversion. It doesn't make you a bad parent or mean you won't love your child. It just means you're human, navigating a monumental life change. What helped me was first, acknowledging these feelings rather than burying them. Pretending everything was fine only made things worse. Talking to trusted friends or family who had similar experiences was a huge relief. Hearing "me too!" can be incredibly validating. And of course, professional help, as I mentioned in my initial story, was a game-changer when anxiety became debilitating. Beyond that, I found small ways to cope with the overwhelming sensations. Sometimes it was as simple as stepping outside for fresh air, finding a quiet corner to decompress, or indulging in a comfort activity. I remember one sunny afternoon, just sitting outdoors, watching my daughter play while my son was still in my belly. The image of a happy family, like the one in that picture where a smiling woman holds her young son with her daughter beside them amidst green foliage, felt so aspirational. Yet, inside, I was wrestling with my own internal storm. It’s a stark reminder that what we present to the world, and what we feel internally, can be vastly different. If you're experiencing these "Inside Out" emotions during pregnancy, please know you're not alone. It's okay not to be okay. Reach out, seek support, and be kind to yourself. Your journey, with all its ups and downs, is valid. Remember to prioritize your mental health as much as your physical health; both are essential for you and your growing family.