friendship breakup ted talk.🫂
this morning i woke up, scrolled through facebook & found a post (second slide) that really resonated with me. i have always had a hard time making friends, & most of all, keeping friends.
though i don’t have any friends (atm), friendships are something that i truly value. i’m an all or nothing person when it comes to friendships. i don’t believe in having a million friends or cliques. (bc to me, a friend to all, is a friend to none🤷🏻♀️). i value having a small circle filled with loyal trust worthy people, that share the same goals & values as i do. people that love me as much as i love them, & people that would defend my name in a room full of others bashing my name.
but through out my life, i have come to accept that i will never be the first choice, & in fact i will never the choice at all when it comes to having life long friendships.
every single girl/woman i have considered to be my “best friend” has always secretly hated me. they were envious of me. they were happy & supportive for everyone else but me. they only wanted to make plans & spend time with me, when their other friends weren’t available or around anymore. they wanted to keep me around for what i had to offer, & not because they genuinely gave af about me.
there’s been times we’re i’ve felt lonely. times i’ve sat around and wondered, cried & thought what i did to deserve any of those friendships. why i deserved to be made fun of by my “best friend” in front of groups of people. why my “best friend” felt so comfortable talking poorly about me with other people & posting sub tweets about me online. why my “best friend” felt so comfortable telling me a “dress code” to her party, when everyone else showed up wearing stuff she told me not to wear.
when all i did was compliment these women. go out of my way for them, gave them my last dollar if they needed it, drove hours away to help bail one out of jail, cooked for them when they were hungry & loved them all so unconditionally.
but tonight i was curious. i decided to unblock my most recent “ex best friend” on social media, just to see how she has been doing recently. memories on snapchat will pop up from us from a year ago, & i can’t help but to wonder. i go to her page, just to scroll through and see that (9 months later) she is still making posts about me.
it’s okay to cope. it’s okay to heal. but, what it’s not okay to do, is post about horrible things ab people, calling them derogatory names. post stuff acting like i’m the bad guy, when in fact, i cut you off after you harassed me (multiple times) & kicked me out of your house because i was “spending too much time with my boyfriend.”
the same person that made fun of me for “spending too much time with my boyfriend” , a week after kicking me out, started posting every single day ab how much hers means to her. the person that didn’t say a word to me as she watched me pack up my stuff and move out (for 2 hours) , texted me an hour later threatening me & then following up with a “we could of worked something out”. posting about “toxic friendships & cutting off people” when in fact, i was the one who cut you off after that. after you begged for us try & “work something out” ; then the next day, proceeded to message me, calling me names, making fun of me, my boyfriend & my parents and all that they do for me.
& the best part about this all. after seeing all of the horrible things she’s posted about me, a few weeks ago, she posted photos wearing my clothes!!!
all of this to say. was i perfect? no. do i have flaws? absolutely. was i probably bitchy a time or two, or doing wild behavior (going to the bar a lot after i just turned 21) a little too excessively? absolutely.
but do i go around belittling the people i once cared about, & had so much love for, online? no, i do not.
and one thing that i definitely am not, is a hypocrite. but one thing that i am, is honest. i own up to my mistakes. i grow from them, and i do my absolute best to never repeat them again.
friendship breakups can be hard. but they also take time. if you think you’re over it, & come to find out you’re not, please try to heal & cope in a healthy way. don’t drag someone you once considered to be your “sister, best friend, soulmate” through the mud. especially, when they are doing nothing but living their life & minding their business.
if you feel like checking in on someone that hurt you, please don’t. don’t go backwards. just move forward. the anxiety & sickness that comes with it is not worth it. continue with the path that you are on & don’t let them have the satisfaction of getting you down, seeing you down, or pulling you back down to their level of toxicity & misery.
🫶🏼
#friendshipstruggles #friendshipbreakups #friendships #tedtalks #advice #Lemon8 #unfiltered #Lemon8Diary #mentalhealth #mentalhealthjourney
Friendship breakups can be particularly difficult, often leaving emotional scars that take time to heal. It's important to recognize the signs of a toxic friendship early on. When relationships turn one-sided and you feel undervalued, it may be time to reevaluate your circle. Many individuals share similar feelings of loneliness, especially when surrounded by friends who don't reciprocate their affection. Cultivating genuine friendships requires patience and the willingness to invest in people who uplift rather than diminish you. The journey of healing often involves self-reflection and an understanding that it's perfectly fine to be selective with whom you keep close. A small circle of trusted individuals can provide a strong support system, fostering an environment where love and mutual respect flourish. Remember, you don't have to change who you are to fit in; true friends will embrace you for your authentic self. If you find yourself reminiscing about old friendships, consider how they impacted your life. It’s easy to feel pulled back into previous dynamics when checking in on former friends through social media, but resist the temptation to go down that path. Focus instead on personal growth and the connections that enrich your life. Healthy relationships can lead to increased happiness and emotional security. Invest in friendships that reflect your values and goals, nurturing bonds that offer unconditional support. Ultimately, prioritize your mental health and well-being while navigating friendships, as moving forward is always more rewarding than taking steps back into negativity.
