Was I too harsh? Should she get a second chance?
My best friend used to always leave our hangouts to sneak off with her boyfriend. She was such a good friend before she started dating, but once he came into the picture, it felt like she put him above everything. Eventually, her and that guy broke up, but I decided not to give her a second chance because I couldn’t forget how she treated me. Sometimes I wonder if I was too harsh, but deep down, I just don’t like the idea of being treated like an option.
But then it started happening every single time we hung out. She would ditch me and the rest of our friends just to be with him. What made it worse was that she would even lie to her mom, saying she was with us, when really she was with him. It started to feel less like she was my best friend and more like I was just her cover story.
Now that her and her boyfriend are no longer together, she tried to reach out to me again. But I made the choice not to go back, because I didn’t want to be her second choice. Was I too harsh for not forgiving her? Should I have given her another chance? Sometimes I wonder, but at the end of the day, I had to protect my peace.
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It's really tough when a close friendship shifts because of a new romantic relationship. Many people experience moments where their friends seem distant or distracted by their partners, but when that repeatedly involves lying or ditching friends, it can cause real pain. From what you described, your best friend continually chose her boyfriend over your friendship, even lying to cover it up. Those actions understandably made you feel devalued. In friendships, mutual respect and honesty are crucial. When one side constantly feels like an afterthought or cover story, it damages trust and connection. Your decision to end the friendship when your friend broke up shows self-respect and the desire to protect your emotional well-being. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to forget how they hurt you or accept the same behavior in the future. It's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your peace. Many people ask themselves if giving a second chance is the right move. The important thing is to evaluate if your friend acknowledges her mistakes and shows genuine effort to rebuild trust. If she just expects forgiveness without real change, the cycle may repeat. Also, consider whether reconnecting aligns with your own happiness and mental health. Friendships naturally change over time, especially as people enter new relationships. Sometimes, distance allows space for growth and reflection. It’s valid to protect yourself from being treated as an option, and true friends will value and prioritize you. Your feelings are valid, and choosing not to restore a friendship that hurt you deeply is a healthy boundary. Healing often involves loving yourself enough to walk away from toxic patterns and surround yourself with those who truly appreciate you.
Harsh reality is in her eyes that was her person. And if they had continued the relationship, and it was successful that would’ve been her life partner. You gave her “grace” but felt like she was putting him above everything, which if she viewed him as her life partner, she should have. I do the same with my boyfriend. He comes second to God. My family & friends know and completely understand it. I date to marry, this is my life partner. He will be of upmost importance to me.