It is what it is

“It is what it is.” We hear this phrase everywhere, often as a shrug of acceptance or resignation, a way to move past something difficult without dwelling. But for me, this simple phrase has always held a deeper, more complicated truth. It’s not just about accepting external circumstances; it’s about accepting the person I’ve become because of those circumstances. I've realized that when I say, or hear, “I am the way I am,” it isn't a simple statement; it's a culmination of choices and learned behaviors, especially when it comes to managing emotions. For most of my life, my biggest fear has been causing pain or discomfort to others. This isn't necessarily a bad trait, and it stems from a place of genuine care, but it slowly developed into a habit of "not wanting to hurt others" at my own expense. I started to believe my feelings were secondary, or even a burden, if expressing them meant someone else might feel bad. This led to a pervasive pattern where "I push my feelings aside" – sometimes without even realizing I was doing it. When you constantly push your feelings aside, where do they go? They don't just disappear. They accumulate. I've become incredibly good at "toughing it out in my own." On the outside, I might seem calm, resilient, maybe even detached from stressful situations. I can put on a brave face and keep moving forward. But internally, there's a constant battle, a quiet wrestling match with unspoken emotions and unaddressed needs. It's exhausting, and honestly, a bit lonely to carry everything by myself. This coping mechanism, while intended to protect others (or so I thought), has taken a heavy toll on me. It's made it harder to form truly deep connections because there's always a part of me held back, a hidden landscape of emotions I don't share. It’s also meant that my own needs often go unmet, leaving me feeling drained, misunderstood, and sometimes even resentful. I'm learning now that suppressing emotions isn't a long-term solution; it's a temporary patch that eventually wears thin, often at the most inconvenient times. So, what does it mean when "it is what it is" becomes a core part of your identity and how you navigate the world? For me, it means acknowledging this deeply ingrained pattern, but also seeking a path to change. It’s about recognizing that while "I am the way I am" today, I don't have to stay that way forever. It's a journey of slowly, carefully, learning to express myself, setting healthy boundaries, and understanding that my feelings are valid and deserve space, without having to tough it out entirely on my own. It's a tough re-learning process, but one I believe is essential for true well-being and genuine connection. If you find yourself constantly saying "it is what it is" while burying your true emotions, know you're not alone. It's a common defense mechanism rooted in care and a desire for harmony, but it deserves to be re-evaluated. What if we could accept things and acknowledge our feelings about them? What if toughing it out didn't mean doing it all alone? It's a thought I'm actively exploring, and perhaps you are too. It's a journey towards a more authentic, less burdened self.