NICU Day 17
NICU Day 17….. the NICU is one step forward, two steps back.
You don’t really understand that until you live it.
He’s been pretty stable since birth. I’ve learned his rhythms. The sounds of the room. The “normal” beeps. I almost let myself breathe.
Today was different.
The alarms felt louder. Closer together. Not just a random beep here or there…but over and over. Oxygen dipping. He had a brady(big drop in heart rate). Watching those numbers fall on the screen feels like watching the floor drop out from under me. I try to stay calm. But every time numbers drop, my chest does the same.
He’s still on CPAP. Since birth he had been on room air(what you and I breathe in normally), which felt like such a miracle for a 29-weeker. The last 24 hours they’ve had to bump his oxygen up just a bit. Not dramatically. But enough to remind us this is still a very fragile place to be.
His belly has been distended. Yesterday when I touched it, it felt firm. Today it felt hard again. That’s not what they want. They want a soft belly. A relaxed belly. Hard means pressure. It means we watch closer. It means we don’t ignore it.
I held him skin to skin for three straight hours today. Barely moved. I kept my hands cupped around him hoping my warmth, my body, could help the pressure in his belly. They put a belly binder on him (it’s so tiny 🥹) to see if it helps relieve some of that pressure. Now it’s something they’ll check at every single care time a bit closer.
This is the part people don’t see. The constant scanning. The watching. The waiting for the next number to change.
The good…because there is good & I have to hang on to that… is he’s tolerating feeds. A full ounce!!!! Such a small amount in the real world but so big in the preemie world. Tiny wins 💜
He is fighting.
His body is working so hard.
And I’m learning, again, how to live in the space between hope and fear.
Day 17.
One moment at a time…
Living through the NICU experience day by day is an emotional rollercoaster filled with moments of hope and periods of anxiety. From personal experience, continuous monitoring of a preemie's health can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially when alarms signal changes in their vital signs like heart rate or oxygen levels. These moments really put into perspective how fragile these tiny fighters are. One important aspect is the support and care provided through interventions like CPAP for breathing and careful observation of abdominal signs such as belly distension, which can indicate underlying issues. I remember learning the significance of a 'soft belly' versus a 'hard belly' in preemies, where hardness may signal pressure or potential complications, demanding closer attention from the medical team. Skin-to-skin contact, often called kangaroo care, plays a powerful role in not only comforting both baby and parent but also potentially aiding in reducing subtle pressures or discomfort. Holding a fragile newborn closely for extended periods offers warmth, bonding, and can sometimes help stabilize their condition. Celebrating even the smallest victories, like tolerating an ounce of feeding, is monumental in the world of preemies. Such achievements are a testament to their strength and ongoing development despite the many hurdles they face. Finally, living in the NICU often means existing in a delicate balance between hope and fear. Every parent learns to cherish each good moment while staying vigilant for any sign of distress. Sharing these experiences and emotional journeys can provide essential support and community for other families navigating similar challenges.
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