🎀 Bridal Parties: The Unspoken Reality

This may be read as a companion piece to my previous post, “The Reality of Wedding Guest Lists”.

Here, I consider the other side of the coin.

Not who will show up for you.

But who will carry the day with you.

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Many couples, when assembling their bridal party or groomsmen, naturally gravitate towards their "closest friends."

Which then begs the question:

Who are our closest friends?

At first glance, it sounds simple.

But the more I thought about it, the less straightforward it became.

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Assembling your crew for the day can be more complicated than it first appears.

Choosing a bridal party inevitably requires you, for want of a better word, to "rank" your friendships.

But that's only half the equation.

You also have to account for people's lives.

Their schedules.

Their bandwidth.

Their comfort levels.

Their personalities.

And perhaps most complicatedly... how they naturally work.

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So really, is “close friend” the only qualification that matters?

Or perhaps, to reframe the question, who "deserves" to be part of the bridal party?

Old friends whose relationships have waxed and waned, waxed and waned again, through different stages of life?

Close friends now juggling demanding careers, infants, toddlers, or ageing parents?

Friends who (very honestly) told you they'd rather celebrate as a guest?

New friends with whom you don’t have a storied history, but who somehow expressed more enthusiasm than you did about the event?

Colleagues, where the line between professional and personal has quietly blurred?

Cousins you only meet once or twice a year, yet somehow always pick up where you left off?

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Then there is another question.

Who can you trust to stand beside you on the actual day?

Who can you trust to keep their cool in a crisis?

Who can you trust to quietly solve problems and make decisions that you can stand behind, so that you're free to celebrate?

Because in reality, a bridesmaid or a groomsman are not only just your friend for the day. They are also potentially:

• project managers

• logistics coordinators

• dress fitters

• AV technicians

• chauffeurs and drivers

• entertainers (I once performed a dance. I am not a dancer.)

• emcees (I once was an emcee. My only qualification was “cousin”.)

• and people willing to wake up at 4.30 a.m. for what is, effectively, an unpaid job.

All this...

Without a résumé.

Or a job interview.

Or even anything more than an angbao for the day’s efforts.

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Some friends are brilliant organisers.

Some are incredible emotional support.

Some simply cannot function before sunrise.

Some have your back in a crisis, but faint when schedules and timetables come into the picture.

Some don't drive. Some can’t drive. Some do not have vehicles to drive.

Some have demanding family commitments.

Some are idea generators. Some are idea executors. Fewer are both at the same time.

None of these qualities make someone a better or worse friend.

But when assembling a bridal party... is friendship alone enough?

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There wasn't an obvious answer.

I've also heard stories of couples choosing not to have a bridal party altogether.

Not because they lacked people to ask.

But because bridal party duties have, unfortunately, muddied friendships before.

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In the end, I realised I didn't actually want to rank my friendships.

And in the end, I realised that maybe, the question isn't:

"Who is my close friend?"

Maybe it's:

"Who would genuinely enjoy being part of this?"

Those are two very different questions, which may, or may not, lead to two very different answers.

tbc.

#weddingplanning #bridalparty #bridesmaid #bridesmaids #weddingplanningsg