I love my child but still feel regret…
This is uncomfortable to say, but I think more women feel this than we admit.
Some women regret having children, not because they don’t love them, but because they completely lost themselves.
Your time is no longer yours. Your thoughts are constantly interrupted. Even when you rest, your brain doesn’t. You’re always calculating, worrying, anticipating the next need.
For me, the anxiety is heavy. Am I doing enough? Am I doing it wrong? What if I mess this up permanently? Parenting feels like a test you never studied for, but the stakes are someone’s entire life.
No one really prepares you for how lonely it can feel. Or how invisible you become. Or how much of your identity quietly disappears.
You can love your child deeply and still grieve the version of yourself that existed before. I think we need more honesty around this.
Do you ever regret to have kids? Why? If you’ve felt this way, what do you think people misunderstand most about parental regret?
Many mothers face a challenging paradox — they deeply love their children but still experience feelings of regret. This can stem from how motherhood changes daily life and personal identity. When a woman becomes a mother, her time and freedom diminish drastically. The constant mental load of anticipating and meeting a child’s needs leads to exhaustion and anxiety. This mental burden makes it feel like parenting is a high-stakes exam with no preparation. Parental regret is not about lacking love; it’s about mourning the loss of one’s previous self — the woman before motherhood. The experience of invisibility and loneliness is common as mothers prioritize their children, sometimes feeling like their own identity quietly fades away. Emotional struggles like these are rarely discussed openly, creating a sense of isolation. Acknowledging these feelings can be empowering. It helps normalize the complex reality that loving a child and feeling regret are not mutually exclusive. Discussions about parental regret open the door to better support systems and understanding among parents and society. They also encourage mothers to seek help, whether in counseling, support groups, or honest conversations with peers. Moreover, efforts to balance personal identity with motherhood can ease these feelings. Prioritizing self-care, finding small moments of solitude, and pursuing personal goals alongside parenting can help reclaim a sense of self. It's important for society to recognize and support the nuanced realities of motherhood to reduce stigma and foster a community where mothers feel safe to express all their emotions, including regret. Ultimately, addressing parental regret candidly contributes to healthier parenting experiences and emotional well-being for mothers, benefiting families and communities alike.
I don't regret having my kids. But if I had a chance to do over, I'd be kid free. I'd be the cool aunt. I miss my life, my freedom, the pick up and go lifestyle. Life becomes all about them... The sacrifices, the mental load it takes. I mean it's exhausting. Yes, it has its beautiful moments. My kids are my entire life, to the point where, I don't have a life. If that makes sense.