Finding A Solemniser? Read This! 🧘♀️
Hello 🍋
It’s 1 month to our second wedding anniversary and I can’t believe that so many things had happened during these almost-2 years of our time!
I’d like to chime in my part of wedding planning here too for you brides-to-be!
POV: You’re engaged, and the next step you’re gonna do is to plan for your wedding. Apart from wedding venue, you’re gonna be looking for wedding gown, PG, VG, emcee, entertainment and most importantly, A SOLEMNISER!
I had wanted a female solemniser and I did my research and narrowed down to a few. There’s a very famous female solemniser whom we didn’t manage to book due to her popularity ☹️ We reached out to the next one in my list and she’s quite well known as well. However, things started going downhill after we informed her of our decision to appoint her as our solemniser. I won’t be naming her publicly here because this is purely based on my ‼️PERSONAL EXPERIENCE ‼️ I don’t want to get into any trouble. Just sharing my two cents here so couples who are looking for one can take reference before you come to a decision. Of course, there are many positive reviews about her too! It’s probably just my luck to have encountered this!
My wedding was in May a couple years back. I contacted this lady in mid-Dec and things were going great at first before it went south as mentioned above (Note: some may say this is considered late but we were busy prior, and this 5.5 months were good enough to discuss about solemnisation segment!).
I provided my wedding date and venue, as well as the estimated time of ROM (at that point, the programme wasn’t planned yet hence we couldn’t provide a fixed timing) and asked if we could have a Zoom meeting to discuss about the flow. She said that we could do it nearer to date. Ok, no worries! In the same batch of conversation, I was also told to send her an invite to appoint her as our solemniser.
6 days later, I asked her if we could do our own vows. To which she took another 5 days to reply one statement.
On 3 Jan, I informed her that the invitation has been sent. No response. Followed up the next day and provided her with the booking ID, responded with “let me find time to accept”. Ok, I gotta admit that I was slightly triggered here because there was no response till I followed up in exactly 33 hours later with this reply.
Exactly 2 months later (note: there’s no texts exchanged in btwn!), I dropped this solemniser a text saying that I would be creating a group chat that includes my then-fiancé for easier communication. Of course, no response in my personal chat. However, she did reply in the group chat that she was away and could only talk when she’s back the next week.
“Next week” came, and for your context, I followed up 12 days later instead as I didn’t want to be seen as a bugger. By now if you still don’t know, yes she’s still on her trip 😶 Perhaps it’s my fault for not going according to her “next week” aka 7 days?? Then, no news no sound no water from her since this day till I followed up again on 8 April thinking that she’s already back from her trip. But hold your horses! I was told that she’s away again and will let me know next week. AM I SURPRISED? 😌 AM I TRIGGERED? 😌
I then found out in early April that apparently my invitation got accepted on 5 Jan. Here I sent a “looking forward” text but there wasn’t any update on her end about her confirmation. I only knew about it when I checked on the status. Yes, partly my bad too because I didn’t check my email. But the lack of response is definitely not a good sign.
I then discussed w my then-fiancé and we decided to forgo her. TO MY SURPRISE (YES, I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE…) HER RESPONSE CAME WITHIN 20 MINUTES (other than the first day when I reached out to her) AND IT’S NO LONGER THE ONE-STATEMENT KIND OF TEXTS! IT’S IN FACT A CHAIN OF 4 REPLIES FOLLOWED BY A CHUNK OF TEXT AFTER MY RESPONSE BACK TO HER 👏
Of course she gave me reasons (PLURAL OK!) for going MIA and did I buy it? 😂😂
💭 This could be avoided if she had told me that she’s couldn’t make it during the initial period when her response rate started slowing down! This whole ordeal went on for 4 months and I had to find a new JP just 1.5 months before my wedding! 🤯
Granted, some of my texts were sent on a weekday, some on weekends and I totally understand that solemnisers have their FT jobs and are busy throughout the day. Granted, this is a voluntary task and you’re not obligated to take on this role but since you’ve agreed when I reached out, shouldn’t you commit to it?
Being a bride-to-be is already stressful enough having a wedding to plan, logistics to think of, which vendors to engage. We don’t need additional stress from anyone else and the least one could do is to inform us promptly when s/he has a pocket of time! Unfortunately, this JP doesn’t have any…
Thankfully, we appointed a new JP who did the total opposite of this lady! 💯 No regrets!
When planning a wedding, especially the solemnisation ceremony, selecting the right solemniser is crucial to ensure a smooth, meaningful event. Based on my own experience, I highly recommend starting your search early, ideally about six months before your big day. This timeline gives you enough space to communicate extensively with your chosen solemniser and clarify details like vows, ceremony flow, and timing. One key insight from my journey was that communication is everything. Initially, I was excited to engage a female solemniser whose profile and style resonated with me. However, delays in response and vague commitments soon added unnecessary stress to my planning. My advice is to look for solemnisers who demonstrate reliability through prompt replies and clear updates — qualities that reflect their professionalism and respect for your wedding timeline. I also suggest arranging a Zoom or in-person meeting at least a few months prior to your solemnisation. Discussing your expectations, the ceremony structure, and any personal touches such as writing your own vows can help both you and the solemniser prepare thoroughly. Don't hesitate to ask about their availability and how they handle schedule conflicts; transparency at this stage can save a lot of headaches later. In addition, consider seeking recommendations from other brides and reading multiple reviews. Sometimes, even highly rated solemnisers may not be the right fit for your style or communication needs. Personal experience stories and honest reviews can provide valuable insights beyond promotional profiles. Lastly, remember thatESOME solemnisation is a voluntary role in many cases, so mutual respect and commitment are essential. If your chosen solemniser becomes unresponsive or unreliable, it is okay to change plans and appoint someone new, even if it’s closer to the wedding date. What matters most is your peace of mind and having someone who makes your ceremony feel special and stress-free. By sharing my story and lessons learned, I hope to help brides-to-be navigate this important wedding planning step more smoothly. Your solemniser should be a trusted partner in creating a memorable and heartfelt ceremony, so take the time to choose wisely and communicate openly.
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