Narcissist or no?

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, and your gut feeling about narcissism might be spot on. From what I’ve seen and experienced, when a relationship with a narcissist starts to unravel, their true colors really come out. It’s not just about asking for money, like when he said 'I'll never ask you for nun again 💯' but then still expects it, or when they promise 'I'll never lie to you' but their actions say otherwise. It's a pattern, especially when you see a tiny $0.30 cash balance but they're still expecting you to cover things. One of the first things a narcissist does as a relationship ends, or even just when they feel challenged, is called *devaluation*. They stop seeing you as perfect and start nitpicking everything. Suddenly, your good intentions are twisted, and you're the one at fault for all their problems. This can be incredibly confusing, making you wonder, like you did, 'what's the real deep rooted issue here?' It’s rarely about a 'deep rooted issue' they want to fix with you; it’s about maintaining their sense of superiority. Then there’s the financial manipulation, which you're experiencing firsthand. They often use money to control you, creating dependency or guilt. They might make you feel selfish for not helping, even if they have a history of not paying you back or making excuses. The promise of 'I'll never ask you for nun again' is often just a tactic to temporarily soothe you, only for the cycle to repeat. It’s a way to keep you on the hook. They might even act 'mad' or distant when you don't comply, turning it back on you. As things progress, you might also notice increased gaslighting. This is where they make you doubt your own sanity and perception of reality. You might bring up a concern, and they'll deny it, twist your words, or accuse you of being overly sensitive. This makes you question yourself and wonder if you’re the problem, exactly what a narcissist wants. It prevents you from trusting your instincts about their behavior. Even talking about moving in together, as your boyfriend is doing, can be a tactic. It’s called 'future faking.' They paint a beautiful picture of a shared future to keep you invested, even while their current actions are emotionally draining or financially exploitative. It gives you hope and makes it harder to leave, because you're holding onto the dream they've sold you, rather than facing the reality of their current behavior. Finally, when a narcissist senses you pulling away, or if they decide they're done, they often engage in what's called a *discard phase*. This can be brutal. They might suddenly devalue you completely, treat you with contempt, or even ghost you themselves, leaving you completely bewildered. Or, they might try 'hoovering,' pulling you back in with apologies or promises (like 'it’s cool' after being rude) only to revert to their old ways. It’s a cycle designed to keep you trapped. Trust your intuition, especially when you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells or sacrificing your own well-being. It's not worth sacrificing your peace for someone who can't open up or respect you.