I was 30 when I decided to actually go low/no contact with my now late narcissistic mother.
(Technically I went from no contact to low contact when a hospital contacted me in 2020 that she was found on a highway after having a heart attack she’d soon after die from and I was the only next of kin. And part of it was to make sure the doctors weren’t lying to me when they said she was entering end of life stage 😅)
I really wonder sometimes how my life might’ve been different if I figured out what narcissism was in the early 2000’s 🥲
(Chances are this page wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t be a coach lol so… lucky you?😅)
Back then the internet wasn’t what it was, that’s for sure.
I’d stumble upon the word narcissist in the early 2010’s after a breakup from a narcissist who had me googling the behaviour.
I’d then realize most of my other ex boyfriends were narcs too! Then I’d find a list of 10 signs your mother is a narcissist weeks into a Google rabbit hole because algorithms weren’t a thing back then lol.
I was in my mid 20’s when I learned all this, and I’d still not choose myself until 2019.
That was when I learned how to process my emotions (thanks to chronic pain! Check out my first pinned post for that story if you’re interested.) and really understand how my mother manipulated me with my emotions to keep me under her control for as long as possible.
Maybe younger generations figuring it out sooner is exactly how cycles get broken.
How old were you when you finally made that decision?
Growing up with a narcissistic parent often means living in constant emotional turmoil, which many of us don't fully understand until much later in life. From my experience, the lack of awareness about narcissistic abuse during my younger years shaped much of my struggle. It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I began to recognize the patterns of manipulation and control, which often disguised themselves as love or concern. One of the hardest parts is the guilt and societal expectations that come with distancing yourself from a parent. Society often tells us to maintain family unity at all costs, but for those of us dealing with narcissistic abuse, this can mean sacrificing our mental health. Going low or no contact isn't about being dramatic or selfish—as some may wrongly perceive—but rather about prioritizing your own well-being and breaking free from toxic cycles. The younger generations are benefiting from the vast access to information online, enabling them to identify these unhealthy dynamics earlier and take action sooner. This shift has given them less tolerance for manipulation and more courage to set firm boundaries. Reflecting on this, I see how delays in recognition contributed to prolonged suffering for those of us who grew up before widespread awareness. I also found that processing emotions was crucial in recovery. Chronic pain was the unexpected catalyst that led me to really understand how deep the emotional manipulation went and how it damaged my sense of self. Learning emotional coping strategies helped me regain control and rebuild my life. If you’re reading this and struggling with the decision to go no or low contact, know that your feelings are valid. Each person’s journey is unique, but choosing yourself is a powerful and necessary step toward healing. How old were you when you made your decision? Sharing these experiences can provide comfort and strength to others on similar paths. Remember, recognizing narcissistic abuse and choosing boundaries isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s an act of bravery and self-love that paves the way for healthier relationships and a more authentic life.
