Learning to love myself more
Vulnerability
🤍 My Story:I have been with my husband for 14 years, even though there was some bad I loved that man so much & what’s crazy is, maybe more than I loved myself. I loved letting him know how much I loved him, being in his presence and just looking at his beautiful smile, the veins in his hands and arms, the smell of his natural scent, hearing him say bae guess what happened today at work, hearing him ask me did I want to go with him while he run errands and etc. There were times when he made me feel insecure about things & giving other women attention.. I don’t know if he has ever cheated but it did cross my mind that he may have because certain things didn’t add up, he would hate for me to find stuff & question him on it, even though I was trying to understand why he did certain stuff. He would always say you just want to argue or you are crazy just because I would see things that I know he shouldn’t be doing or saying since he is a married man.. he was very manipulative because he would always try to turn things back on me and never see what I was saying. I knew I wasn’t crazy but he definitely made me feel that way!… he asked for a divorce the last time we got into it and it hurt so bad to hear him say those words & him actually being ok with not having me or our kids around after all those years anymore, there was also a issue of me not being able to really help him financially because of not having a steady job after my salon business of 7 yrs flopped when covid hit even though I was still in school and doing little side jobs like DoorDash, and spark to put a little money in my pocket cause let’s just say the money he made was his and I didn’t like asking him for any because I knew it would always come up later but he also didn’t want me to get a fast food job even though I would have, he told me I was better than that & even though I knew that to be true I was just trying to get something, & I just knew that was the quickest thing to get but I’m like money is money then he says I was to picky when it came to getting a job but if I’m saying I’ll work a fast food job how is that picky??.. but I also was the mom and wife who cooked for them even if it wasn’t everyday I also went to every event my kids had at their school to make sure that they saw a parent there for them, I took my kids to every doctor or dental appointment they had because he couldn’t because of his work schedule, I was there for him when he got fired from one of his jobs due to the manager being racist towards him, I never walked away from him when I could have I instead put in every application to help him get another one, when he got injured and couldn’t get around on foot on his own I was there as well NONE OF HIS FRIENDS WERE or FAMILY, deaths in his family I was there etc, and it’s because I loved him through it all but of course I wasn’t good enough or didn’t do enough in his eyes but so be it, so we have been separated for 1 year going on 2 in June of 2025 & now the process of the divorce starts and my heart at one point was trying so hard to figure out why is this happening but my mind was trying to tell me it’s ok just keep going & you know this is probably for the best anyway after everything you went through with him you deserve better just like he feels he does.
🤍 How I Felt: it made me feel useless, un beautiful, like a throw away, no good, & I have always been a lover at heart idk how not to love people so that’s what I want because growing up I never felt loved so maybe when we got married was the reason why I was so attached to him now & at first I was like who would want me with 3 kids and it hurt badly. I felt like I look like a joke to all of the ppl in my family and the ppl we went to school with because they know how long we have been together and how much I love him now even though I know I’m a great woman. But NOW IM LIKE GIRL STOP IT! You were his favor that God placed in his life to show him what LOVE IS! Even though he down played it so much
🤍 My Takeaways: just keep going and learn to love you more even though you may feel stuck, confused, & hurt sometimes. My kids and I got our own place in February after moving back in with my mom in June of 2023 & I could never be more proud. #tryingtolovemyself #unfiltered #Lemon8Diary #healing #hellolemon8
Going through a divorce can be devastating, but it often becomes a catalyst for self-discovery and personal growth. As I navigated my separation, I realized the importance of prioritizing my needs and emotions. Developing self-love involves acknowledging one’s worth, even amidst feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt. Sharing my story resonates with many who have faced similar struggles, fostering a community of support and understanding. In times of change, it's vital to practice self-care and recognize achievements, no matter how small. Keeping a journal or engaging in activities that bring joy can aid in the healing process. Surrounding oneself with positive influences, whether it's friends, family, or online communities, can also promote emotional well-being and provide encouragement during difficult times. In conclusion, learning to love oneself is a continuous journey that requires patience and compassion. It's about understanding that we are deserving of happiness and fulfillment, regardless of past relationships. Embracing this mindset can lead to newfound confidence and a healthier outlook on life.
God bless you Queen