My husband is obsessed with her boss
I started this job about 1,5 years ago. I can’t say what it is because I want us to stay anonymous and our country is very small so my boss would probably be recognized. The moment I started I felt like I was in the right place. My boss, the owner of the company is very cool and kind. She’s self-made and she loves her job. She does lot of the dirty work herself that bosses who has 30-35 employees wouldn’t have to do. But she just loves it. On top of that, we have a 6h work day, our salaries are 20% higher than the market and we have 7 paid vacation weeks a year. Her reasons? She appreciates us and she’s getting richer anyway. I was so proud of working with a woman like her so I wouldn’t shut up talking about her to my husband. Especially in the beginning. My husband was as fascinated by her as I am until he met her in a company party last Christmas. She must’ve been beautiful when she was young. She could’ve been a model.
I think his fascination became a crush or an obsession or maybe worse, love. Now he follows her on SM. Her accounts are private but he stalk her with my account. He also follows the company IG and likes every picture she’s in. He asks about her all the time.
She’s a very private person but when her divorce from her ex husband was finalized in the beginning of this year we all found out because he started showing up to work. He owned 1/2 her company now and he started to try to make changes in our work hours and salaries. We found out that her husband had cheated on her with a younger girl who he also tried to employ in our company(she still works with us). She (probably lawyers involved) eventually convinced her husband to sell her back his share. We’re still in this process now.
My husband has followed all this and he was so sad for her. And so angry. How could anyone do this when they had a woman like her? If it was him he would cherish her, love her, bla bla bla. Who leaves a woman for a girl. I got very angry and told him that all men prefer younger women if they could choose. He laughed at me and told me only losers do that.
The last drop was last Friday. We were out for a movie night and we saw my boss with a young man. He looked in his mid 20’s. My husband lost it. “He didn’t know that she dated younger men” he wanted us to go say hello but I refused and yelled at him to control himself because he looked pathetic.
When we got home he was frenetically going through her SM. Until he found the guy and he sighed in relief. The guy was her nephew and we didn’t see the whole company but they were out with other family members. My husband was so happy like a weight lifted off his chest. I lost it on him. I started crying and yelling and told him he was in love with her and he was shocked when I pushed and kicked him out of our bedroom. I locked the door. He stood outside trying to calm me down telling me he loved me and I’m his girl and always will be. Then he said something that ruined me even further. “It’s not like someone like her would look my way.”
I haven’t slept since then. Why is he feeling like this? Is it love? Infatuation? She’s too old for my husband so what is it? And why would he think he couldn’t have her? He’s very handsome and still young. She should feel lucky a young handsome man likes her. And does he mean I’m less than her to accept him? Or is it purely her money and status? He refuses to admit anything.
And what can I do now? I love this job. I love the benefits. Thanks to this job our life has improved and we can afford more than just the necessities. I’m starting to hate my boss though and I hate myself for idolizing her in front of my husband.
Reading your story, I felt a deep ache in my chest. It's truly devastating when someone you love, your partner, seems to be captivated by another, especially when it's your boss – someone you once admired and brought into your shared world. It throws everything into question, doesn't it? That knot in your stomach, the sleepless nights, the constant replaying of moments... it's all so incredibly valid. Many of us have found ourselves asking, 'Why?' when faced with such bewildering behavior. Is it true love? Or is it something else entirely? Often, what we see as an 'obsession' can be a complex mix of infatuation, projection, or even a longing for something perceived as missing. Your husband might be idealizing your boss, placing her on a pedestal because of her success, independence, or even just the allure of the 'unattainable.' He might be projecting qualities onto her that he feels are lacking in his own life, or perhaps subconsciously, he's looking for an escape from his own reality. It's not necessarily about her as a person, but what she represents to him – whether it's power, excitement, or a fantasy. This doesn't excuse his actions, but understanding the potential roots can sometimes help in figuring out the path forward. It's also crucial to consider if this stems from any unmet needs within your relationship. Is he feeling unheard, unappreciated, or is there a lack of intimacy or shared passion? Sometimes, when partners feel a void, they unconsciously look for external validation or excitement, even if it's purely in their mind. The way he reacted to seeing her with another man, and his relief when it was her nephew, speaks volumes about the emotional investment he has. It's a clear signal that something significant is happening within him, beyond simple admiration. So, what can you do when you're caught in this emotional whirlwind? First, acknowledge your pain. It's okay to feel angry, betrayed, jealous, and utterly confused. These feelings are natural. When you're ready, having an open, honest conversation with your husband is vital. Try to approach it from a place of 'I feel...' statements rather than accusations. For example, 'I feel hurt and disrespected when you constantly check her social media and talk about her so much.' Explain the impact his actions are having on you and *your marriage*. Setting clear boundaries is another critical step. This might mean agreeing on limits regarding social media stalking, or discussing how much you're willing to hear about her. If he's unwilling to acknowledge the problem or modify his behavior, seeking professional help, like couples counseling, can be incredibly beneficial. A neutral third party can help facilitate communication, uncover underlying issues, and provide tools to navigate this challenging situation. You mentioned you love your job and its benefits, which adds another layer of complexity. It's heartbreaking to feel your passion for work being tainted by your personal life. Try to compartmentalize where you can, but also understand that your well-being comes first. No job benefit is worth sacrificing your mental peace or the integrity of your marriage. Remember, this isn't about you being 'less than' your boss. It's about your husband's choices and internal struggles. Focus on what you need to feel respected and secure in your relationship. This journey is tough, but you're not alone in seeking solutions and healing your heart.
Wow Firstly, don’t blame yourself for having the joy and pride you have for her and your job, none of this is your fault. Secondly, this is a deeper conversation to have with your husband. Really get to the root of what’s going on, ask him to be honest and brutal bc otherwise it’s unfair to you and your marriage