Even if you're over 60, when you get hurt in relationships, it's not that you're weak, it's that you're still alive
I wonder if you've been dragging anyone lately.
It wasn't a big fight or betrayal. However, the response to the greeting was blunt. That's all, and it was hazy all day.
I am over 60.
But at the same time, I thought, "Oh, I'm still a person who cares about people."
That might not be a bad thing.
① "It will be easier at this age" was a lie
When I was young, I thought this.
"When you're in your 60s, you don't have to feel tired about human relationships anymore. You can be free from such troubles."
Not at all.
Just by changing the shape, the amount of trouble does not change. From mom friends to neighbors, from workplace relationships to local communities. The complexity that arises between people is the same no matter where you go.
Rather, as my physical strength has fallen, I feel that my heart is more painful than before.
Is this just me?
② A quiet battlefield called neighborhood relations
I'll greet you when we meet. That should be all.
"He didn't answer today." "His face was cold." "I wonder if he did something that bothered him."
This is what I think when I'm over 60. I think about it, drag it, and suddenly remember it at night.
I can't stop myself.
Humans are really small. They will be in their 60s as they are.
But maybe this is not "small" but "delicate." I want to value relationships with people, so I'm worried about small things. If I thought so, I could forgive myself a little.
③ Conversation across generations broadens your horizons
At the seminar at Hibiki's house, I had more opportunities to talk with people in their 70s and 80s.
"In the past, we didn't even have a phone, so we used to send and receive letters." "At that time, it was natural to help each other in the neighborhood."
I realized that I lived in such an era. There was a time when what I thought was "natural" was not natural.
Talking to young people gives me a different perspective.
"Well, isn't that normal?" On the contrary, the gap in feeling is fresh. I see, that's the feeling now.
Both above and below were worlds that I didn't know about. I was a little relieved to know that the troubles of human relationships are equal to every generation.
I tried to say "thank you" early.
When I was young, I couldn t say thank you very well.
Was it embarrassing or embarrassing? There was also a part where I thought, "You can understand without saying such a thing."
But I don't know. If you don't say it, it won't get across.
After passing 60, I tried to say "thank you" early. Say it right away at the moment you think. If you want to say it all together later, you will miss the timing. My feeling is that the expiration date is short.
It's not too late, but early is better.
It took me 60 years to realize this.
The definition of friends has changed.
When I was in my twenties, my friend was a fun person to be with.
We would meet every week, go out somewhere, talk a lot. I thought that kind of relationship was friendship.
Not now.
I think a friend is someone who can continue to talk if we meet again even if we lose contact.
Even if I meet someone for the first time in a few years, I can talk like yesterday's continuation. Someone who is not uncomfortable even if there is silence. I realized that such a person is a true friend.
I wonder how many such people there are.
Just being able to count with your fingers is enough. I think that's enough to be rich.
⑥ I learned not to expect from my husband
"Why don't you tell me?" "Why don't you understand?"
I've been thinking that way for decades since I got married.
After passing 60, it changed to "Well, yeah."
This may be giving up. But giving up isn't always a bad thing. Because you don't expect too much, you can be honestly happy when you do it. Small kindness will reach you properly.
Couples may eventually settle down there.
That's not bad. Rather, I feel like I've finally become easier.
⑦ It was "expectation" that hurt human relationships
I want you to do this. I want you to say this. I want you to think this.
When that expectation is missed, you get hurt. You feel betrayed. But the other person may not even know that there was such an expectation.
Expectations grow within themselves and explode on their own.
After realizing that "I would be happy if you could do it," it became a little easier.
Even if you don't do it, it can't be helped. If you do, I'll be happy. That's all I need.
Even though it is simple, it took me decades to realize this.
Summary: Human relationships are under training even after 60
I don't think it has to be completed.
It may be living to continue to be involved with someone even though it is not going well all the time, and it may be suffering all the time.
Even after 60, you get hurt, you drag, you go to a reunion in your dreams and feel awkward.
That's not a weakness. I think it's proof that you're still living by facing people properly.
How have your relationships been lately?
Even if it's tough, I'm happy if I can read someone's words and feel a little relieved.
60歳を過ぎると、今までの人生経験を積み重ねた分だけ「人間関係」というものに対して感じ方や考え方に深みが増すことを実感しています。私は日々、近所付き合いや昔からの知り合いとの触れ合いの中で、ふとした些細な挨拶の返事が素っ気なかっただけで心がざわつくことがあります。昔はそんなことで揺れる自分を「歳なのに情けない」と思っていましたが、今は「これは自分がまだちゃんと人とつながり続けている証だ」と感じるようになりました。 また、世代を超えた交流が私の視野を広げてくれました。70代や80代の方から昔の暮らしぶりを聞くと、感謝と思いやりが当たり前だった時代があったことを知り、今の日々の人間関係を見つめ直す契機になります。若い世代との意見交換も同様で、感覚や価値観の違いに驚きつつ、それぞれの立場から学べるのが貴重な体験です。 私は60歳を過ぎてから、感謝の気持ちは思ったらすぐ伝えることの大切さに気づきました。昔は照れや「わかってくれるだろう」という甘えもあり、言いそびれることが多かったのです。今はその場で「ありがとう」と伝えることで、関係がより温かくなっていくのを実感しています。 さらに、友達の定義も変わりました。若い頃は頻繁に会って楽しいことが友情の基準でしたが、今はたとえ連絡が途絶えてもまた会った時に自然と話せる人が、本当に大切な友達だと感じます。そういう人が数人でもいれば十分で、そのありがたみを噛みしめています。 最後に、期待の持ち方も変わりました。長年夫への期待で傷つくことが多かった私ですが、「期待しすぎない」ことを覚えてからは、小さな思いやりや親切を素直に受け入れられるようになり、夫婦関係も穏やかになりました。期待が強いと裏切られたような気持ちになりますが、ほどよい距離感を保つことで人間関係のストレスは軽くなると感じています。 このように、60歳を過ぎても人間関係は修行中であり、悩みや傷つく感情は皆が共有する人間らしい営みです。弱さではなく、生きている証。そんな気持ちをもって日々を過ごすことが、豊かな人生の鍵ではないでしょうか。
