It makes me feel weird

It sounds like you're in a really tricky spot, and honestly, a lot of us can relate to the discomfort when family dynamics get a little too close for comfort, especially when it involves a mother-in-law's excessive touching of a husband. It’s completely valid to feel weirded out by constant lingering touches, even if you know the intentions are loving. When you see text overlays in your mind saying 'TOO MUCH TOUCHING!' it’s a clear sign that boundaries are being crossed for you. First, know that your feelings are valid. It's not about being jealous or ungrateful; it's about personal space, respect for your marriage, and what makes you comfortable. Many partners would feel a similar discomfort. The key here is to approach this delicate situation with empathy, but also with a clear understanding of your own needs. Starting the Conversation with Your Husband The most crucial first step is to talk to your husband. He’s your partner, and you’re a team. Pick a calm moment, away from any distractions, and express your feelings using “I” statements. Instead of accusing, try something like, “Honey, I love your mom, and I know how close you two are. But sometimes, her physical affection, like the constant touching on your arms or when she rests her head on your shoulder, makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. It makes me feel a little left out or like our space as a couple isn’t quite respected.” Explain that you’re not trying to come between them, but you want to find a way for everyone to feel comfortable. Ask him how he feels about it, and if he’s noticed it. Your husband might genuinely not see it as an issue because it’s always been his normal. This conversation is about opening his eyes to your perspective, so you can tackle this as a united front. When to Talk to Your Mother-in-Law Ideally, your husband should be the one to address this with his mom. It’s often easier for a child to set boundaries with a parent. He can gently say something like, “Mom, I love you and our bond, but [Your Name] and I are trying to establish a bit more personal space as a couple, and we’d appreciate it if we could tone down the physical affection a little when we’re all together.” It’s about setting a general boundary, not making it about her specifically or making her feel rejected. If that’s not possible or if you feel you need to speak up, keep it light and non-confrontational. You could try redirecting or gently pulling your husband away when the touching becomes excessive. If you do speak to her directly, focus on how you feel, not what she is doing wrong. For instance, “Oh, [MIL’s Name], I’m just feeling a bit sensitive to touch today,” or “It’s so lovely to see you, a quick hug is great!” Understanding Different Perspectives It’s also helpful to consider that her actions might stem from a place of deep affection, habit, or even cultural norms. She might not realize the impact of her actions or that it crosses a line for you, leading to your discomfort about her excessive touching of your husband. Your husband’s stepfather shutting you down suggests that this family might have different comfort levels with physical affection. While it doesn't excuse the behavior, understanding this can help you frame your approach with more patience. Establishing boundaries in any relationship is tough, especially with in-laws. It takes patience, clear communication, and a united front with your spouse. Remember, you're not trying to stop their bond but redefine the boundaries of their physical affection to protect the comfort and sanctity of your own relationship. Has anyone else successfully navigated a similar situation? Please share your wisdom because it’s a situation many of us have found ourselves in!