💔 "Is having a fat man really happy?" recalls the turning point of Anxious VS Avoidant. 🫂

🏩 today wanted to share our love problems with our boyfriend. When he was Anxious and we were Avoidant, chronically bickering for 3-4 months until almost breaking up many times from the problems, differences in our thoughts and habits, both 🥹

What is the matter? ❓

Floor first that our girlfriend is quite attached to us. Want to have us with us all the time. We are OK. So come to our home. As for us, we only ask him not to disappear. Chat to answer, find some, not find some. It's okay. But if coming together, it would be good (because we want to see him). When they come to live with us, the two of us are always next to each other.

We didn't have any problems at first, but our girlfriend was the "can't be alone" type. If we were in the same area, we had to interact all the time. Many times we had to work at home. We didn't have the space to talk to him all the time. And we had other things (besides work) that we wanted to do the same.

Until we start to have more work, start to get busy, little time + be a workaholic, they need more time to be with us, start demanding, we are ok, then we will adjust, we will work when he sleeps, when he wakes up, we will be enough (our girlfriend gets up late, we get up early, so we work early in the morning), sometimes the work can not be done by 8: 00 to noon. When he wakes up to see us, he waits, let us continue to work even if he wants to spend time with us, is that he is "forcing" himself so much, sometimes it goes away.

Until the time it "erupted," the boyfriend was very upset, sitting around for a long time, he felt that he had to run after us all the time, and he wanted us to oh, but we've been working all day. We just felt, "What else do you want from me?" "Didn't we do enough?" "On the day that we are very tired, we still have to smile happy, behave happy to reconcile you to make you disappear?" We blame ourselves very hard. Sorry for him a lot. We try to focus every time until we say, "Fat really loves him or wants to change him to who he is." And we choose to tell him to go home first, split up first, and then talk to each other. Because now we are all emotional but he doesn't understand. He feels why to relegate. He wants to clear now, but we can't do it anymore.

So we talked about it being our end project, we had to keep working, everything was for our future, so we asked for three months of separation, and we could still come together, but not sleep in our house every day like this.

Everything seems to be getting better, but when they come back to each other, they always fight hard like this. Sometimes they type like "Okay, then they go." We feel worse. We think that they are irony. Each person cries. One person wants. One person feels that it is not enough until we start to have a question in our head.

"Or don't we really get along?"

Until the last fight, he was very upset, which was caused by a misunderstanding of the couple's communication, and we apologized to him (this one we knew we were really wrong), but we fought very hard again, so we asked him:

"Fat, think about it. You don't have to answer him now, but is fat having him really happy?"

We asked in a very calm tone because we didn't want to mix emotions with problems. We just wanted to fix them for a reason. And we knew that what they were doing was self-imposed. We couldn't be emotionally dependent on them all the time. But he was the one who loved us and was dedicated to us. He really did everything for us. We thought that if he quit, we would say nothing because we really understood that it was difficult.

In his view, at the time, he said:

"When they went back to meet and quarreled harder and harder, each person could not really be able to do it. At that time, he felt that it was very tortured. I couldn't really do it. I looked so inconsistent that he really pulled himself out of the situation that he felt very hurt in order to find out the cause of it. It took me to struggle to find out the answer despite the suffering of 2 weeks until I began to understand that the problem was" we quarreled with the identity we didn't mean to be. "" My girlfriend's running instinct and the instinct that needed our confirmation was working to protect my heart while hurting and attacking the other. "Once I knew what made us fight. Both of them are suffering right now, and it's not really our idea for each other at that time, so the solution is that we ourselves have to force ourselves to get back on our instincts, love and replenish ourselves well before going back to spending time together, while having to understand what they really want to be free, space, time, their personal world, so that they can stop to breathe, to be happy together. "

(She wrote, sent, told to wear, hahahaha)

Which made him reply to us, "He loves fat, he is happy when he is fat, but now he understands that each person has his own life, he has to have his life, so he will go home and be fat when fat comes to him," and then everything softens.

❤️‍🩹 final summary.

The two of us choose to live at each other's houses, each of us lives his own life, and we write him a rough plan of what each day will do, so that he prepares himself. Let him know that today we will be free. Today we will be busy. When will we meet? (Figure 2) Let us each have our own space. And if we are free, it is not only for him to come, we have to find him.

As for emotions, he understands more that sometimes we are not ready to oh all the time, we have problems, have our burden, we are tired too, so he has to rely on himself. He has to love himself first, not to love but us, not to take everything. Every emotion attaches to us alone (this one we admire him because we know that it is very difficult for him).

In total, we have to have time boundaries to manage our lives, not to be busy and disappear, and they have to deal with their emotions, they have to love themselves more.

Honestly, each couple has a different solution. Anyone who is an Avoidant like us has to try to talk really well. Having an Anxious girlfriend may be difficult to adapt. We just have to agree with him to understand, define the space, set the time clearly. Talk to him for a reason. Have to be very calm.

Because if people really love each other, there will always be a way out. 🫂

# Lemon 8 invites # Life problems # Relationship issues # Arguing with boyfriend # Couple