Why would a child push away the person who loves them most?
Pushes Away Caregivers is one of the hardest behaviors in Reactive Attachment Disorder. It looks like refusing hugs, pulling away from comforting touches, and acting cold or distant-especially toward the people who try hardest to love them.
In real life, it looks like:
- A mom kneeling to hug her child, only for the child to stiffen and walk away.
- A child screaming 'Don't touch me!' when comforted after a fall.
-A teen running to hug a neighbor but rolling their eyes at their own mom.
And often? The parent gets blamed.
Strangers assume, 'That mom must be cold or harsh. That child doesn't even like her-maybe she's abusive.'
But what you're really seeing is trauma and sin mixed together-hurt hearts trying to keep control, even if it means pushing away love.
Diagnostic Lens vs. Biblical Lens:
Child refuses comfort and closeness due to early trauma and broken trust.
Fear and self-protection have taken the throne of the heart, leading to rejecting love-even safe love.
Behavior protects them from perceived rejection by rejecting others first.
Scripture call this hardness of heart (Ezekiel 11:19) and fear that keeps people from love (1 John 4:18).
They see closeness as unsafe and respond with control.
We all resist God's love in our sin, but He moves toward us anyway (Romans 5:8).
For the person diagnosed with RAD:
God: "You were made with love-not just any love, but safe love from God Himself. He made you to trust and rest in His arms."
Man: "But sin warps our hearts. You've learned to push away love and control relationships to feel safe. That's sin-not just brokenness-because it says to God, 'I don't trust You or the people You've placed in my life."
Christ: "Jesus knows what it's like to be rejected-His own friends ran from Him. But He didn't reject you. He came close anyway, carrying your fear and mistrust to the cross. He rose again to give you a heart that can trust, forgive, and be loved."
Response: "You don't have to live locked up. You can tell Jesus you've been pushing love away. Trust Him to give you a new heart-a heart that receives love and gives it back safely. He will not push you away."
To the mom:
Sweet mama, god sees you. Every rejected hug, every cold stare, every 'I hate you' moment-He knows.
You are not invisible, and you are not alone. God says: 'I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.' (Isaiah 49:16) Your value isn't measured by how your child responds but by how your Savior loves you-steadfast, unshakable, never letting go.
If you're a child pushing love away, bring your hurt to Jesus. If you're a mom weary from rejection, cling to His arms. He never pushes away the brokenhearted.
Follow for more RAD truth + gospel hope.
#RADAwareness #PushesAwayLove #AttachmentHealing #JesusHeals #GospelHope
Children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) often exhibit behaviors that can be deeply confusing and heartbreaking to caregivers — such as pushing away the very people who want to offer them comfort and love. This behavior, while challenging, is a protective mechanism shaped by early trauma and broken trust. Understanding these behaviors is crucial for parents, guardians, and anyone supporting a child with RAD. One of the harsh realities of RAD is that children learn to reject love and closeness because their early experiences taught them that such closeness might not be safe. The act of pushing away caregivers can be a form of self-protection, preventing further hurt by controlling relationships and distant emotional connections. While this looks like coldness or rejection, it is actually a cry for safety and healing. Scripturally, this rejection can be seen as a 'hardness of heart,' a state where fear controls how children respond to affection and care (Ezekiel 11:19; 1 John 4:18). From a faith-based perspective, it’s recognized that even when people resist love due to sin or past wounds, God’s love remains unwavering. Romans 5:8 reminds us that God moves toward us regardless of our rejection. Supporting a child with RAD involves patience, consistency, and a lot of love. Caregivers should not take rejection personally but understand it as a symptom of the child's trauma. Walking alongside them with compassion, affirming their worth, and modeling trust is essential. Encouraging open communication about feelings and gently offering physical comfort can gradually help them learn that love can be safe. Integrating faith into this journey can provide unique comfort and hope. Teaching children that they were created for love by God fosters a new foundation of trust. Christ’s example of unconditional love and acceptance, even in the face of rejection, can inspire children and caregivers alike to pursue healing through forgiveness and renewed relationships. For caregivers feeling weary and isolated, remembering Isaiah 49:16 can be encouraging: God has 'engraved you on the palms of His hands,' reminding caregivers they are seen and valued beyond their child’s responses. Trust in a higher love that never gives up can fuel the perseverance needed in this difficult healing process. In conclusion, the behavior of pushing away caregivers in children with RAD is deeply rooted in trauma and fear but can be addressed through understanding, love, and faith. Healing is a journey that combines psychological insight with spiritual hope, offering both children and caregivers a path toward restored relationships and peace.
