This Is the Difference Between Attachment and Real
We weren’t taught the difference between love and attachment—
so most of us grew up believing that love was supposed to hurt, cling, or control.
But in Things No One Taught Us About Love, Vex King reminds us:
Real love doesn’t demand attachment. It invites freedom.
When you love someone spiritually, you don’t need to possess them.
You allow them to be. You stay rooted in self-worth, not fear.
You let go of love that costs your peace.
Here’s the difference I’m learning to embody—and heal through.
It's a realization that truly changes everything, isn't it? When I first picked up Vex King's 'Things No One Taught Us About Love,' I thought I knew the difference between love and attachment. But oh, how wrong I was! Like so many of us, I grew up thinking that intense emotions, even jealousy or constant need, were signs of deep affection. It felt like love was meant to be dramatic, demanding, and sometimes, frankly, exhausting. The turning point for me came when I started to truly grasp what 'spiritual attachment' versus 'spiritual love' really means. I used to subconsciously seek validation from my partners, believing their approval was essential for my happiness. If they were distant, I’d feel anxious, interpreting it as a threat to my worth. That, I now understand, was a clear sign of attachment. My peace was dependent on their actions, not rooted within myself. Real love, as Vex King beautifully explains, invites freedom. It’s a profound sense of inner peace that isn't shaken by external circumstances. When you truly love someone, you don't need to possess them or control their every move. Instead, you allow them to be their authentic self, and you remain grounded in your own self-worth. This was a huge shift for me. I began to ask myself: Does this feeling make me feel expansive and secure, or does it make me anxious and dependent? Does it fuel my growth, or does it drain my energy? One of the biggest distinctions I learned from Vex King's work and my own reflections is how fear plays a role. Attachment often stems from a fear of loss, loneliness, or not being enough. This fear can lead to clinginess, manipulation, or trying to change someone to fit your ideal. True love, conversely, operates from a place of abundance and trust. You trust yourself, you trust your partner, and you trust the journey. It's about being present, appreciative, and allowing space for both individuals to thrive independently, yet together. For instance, if a friend cancels plans, attachment might lead to feelings of rejection or anger, wondering if they truly value you. Love, however, allows for understanding – knowing they might be busy, trusting your bond, and finding peace in the moment you have for yourself. Similarly, in romantic relationships, attachment might make you constantly check their phone or feel anxious when they're out with friends. Love means giving them space, trusting their intentions, and focusing on building a relationship based on mutual respect and freedom. It really comes down to this: 'Let go of love that demands attachment. Choose love that feels like freedom.' This isn't just a catchy phrase; it's a profound call to action. It means consciously choosing relationships that elevate you, bring you peace, and encourage your growth, rather than those that tether you to insecurity and constant need. It's about cultivating a love that feels like coming home to yourself, first and foremost. It’s a journey, and I’m still learning, but embracing these truths has brought so much more peace and genuine connection into my life. If you're struggling to tell the difference, remember: real love empowers both you and the other person to be truly free.
