It's nothing special. Just one day I'm breathing slowly.

"It's nothing special, just one day I breathe slowly and feel a small change inside."

🗓️ 6 November 2025

In the past, I thought the thing that troubled me was probably because

The feeling of "proving" that I myself exist here, it feels like a breeze that blows - not into us, but we're more interested in it that just blows to the point of impact than in turning to ourselves.

I knew I didn't want much, and I went through a lot of fights, maybe because I was economical, and I didn't like collecting things around me, so these habits gradually shaped me not to take anything in if it wasn't really necessary or useful.

Although sometimes there is a feeling that I do not understand whether I need to be something for the world to accept - I still feel free, especially when I am in the temple.

I really liked the atmosphere of the temple because no one looked at anyone else, everyone just did their own job, there was very little talk, which for me was the real "minimalist" in the way I wanted to reach it. I noticed some monks, there were many stitches, and that showed the simplicity and adequacy in the concrete that made my heart tremble to the core of myself.

But when I came out to the outside world, I was confused, and there was always something that pushed me to "succeed" in something, when the thing I loved and enjoyed the most was to "watch my emotions."

At work, I noticed that the pace of life was getting faster, that we had to accelerate, that we had to be sensitive, and that was unconsciously impatient, so I tried to slow down - to be constantly sympathetic, even in the rush of life.

My stress, awkwardness, and anxiety in my mind gradually diminished as I began to train myself to always "observe" and "review my mind."

Every year in October, I tend to worry about my health, and I often think about taking out more insurance to make me feel more comfortable. I looked at my list of concerns and found that what I was most afraid of was a serious illness, especially cancer.

As for the money, I still have a lot of concern. I saved a lot more money in the past because if I wanted to do something, these money would open the way for me. But what I am now does not make me feel that each day is going through a hard time. It's just discipline and diligence to keep the balance out of my habits, so I thought that saving for the next day, 5,000 baht a month, is going to fit me right now. But in my deep mind, I never thought about retiring, just looking at retirement through my chosen job and willing to do it, because I know. Well, that unemployment - or even a "retirement trial" - used to regress a lot of my health and discipline.

So I chose to keep working as much as my physical strength existed, without age as a judgment, while taking the best care of myself.

I plan to check up on sugar, chloresterol, good fat and bad fat every four months so that I can adjust my behavior in time.

What I hope most is to be "self-reliant" to the last day of my life.

4: 47 p.m.

At this moment, I am understanding one of our natures. "Eunuch 5" I may not want to hold on to it.

But what can I do when I still have to loop in here, at least today?

But at least I'm starting to want to learn how to "trust."

Some days I'm not doing very well, but I want to gradually learn to put it down a little bit at a time until one day... I may experience the so-called lightness of freedom in the way I want to reach it.

🐞

My dream is to leave these orbits.

As the spiritual master, you said -

That one day the mind will take a break from endless swimming.

Don't pursue anything. Don't run away from anything anymore.

Maybe that's the end of my journey.

Or maybe it's the "ultimate goal" that has always been waited for.

Not because of wanting to escape the world, but because of returning to peace.

That transcends having to be "someone" in the world.

My definition... will gradually change.

And will get stronger and stronger.

Even among so many people and changes.

Because I believe that -

Sometimes "people who seem to stand still."

Could be someone inside...

Has changed as far as possible.