These days, Things you can't put in the corner. Part three.
T-chan, Kakkun's daughter, blocked me from LINE.
It was a promise to have the remains divided, but...
If I could share Kakkun's ashes, I would put them in an urn pendant and travel with his bones and memories.
I was thinking of going on a trip around the castles and hot springs that Kakkun loved so much.
The painful tears overflowed and did not stop.
Even if I wanted to calm down, I was out of cigarettes.
Tobacco for me is not a luxury or luxury.
Nicotine works to stop and calm the excessive secretion of adrenaline and noradrenaline in the other personality of DID.
People who do not have knowledge of psychiatry say lightly, "Ask me to prescribe a tranquilizer...," but it is impossible to stop the brain substance that has reached the intention of killing with prescription medicine.
The quicker you constrict your blood vessels with nicotine, the faster your anger will subside.
However, T-chan has been showing hostility towards me since the time Kakkun and I started dating.
When Kakkun said, "I got a new woman," he said, "Don't register your marriage! You don't need a third mother! Don't get pregnant! You don't need a younger sister too!"
When I thought that it was a daughter who was over 20 years old, I thought that it was a daughter who was violently interfering, but Kakkun himself "Will my daughter interfere with adult love so far?"
When T-chan and his younger sister K-chan visited the house where he lived with Kakkun for the first time, T-chan always threatened to lick me from the tip of my head to the tip of my feet with a gaze that seemed to value me, so I felt unpleasant I was running away to the kitchen, but Kakkun said, "What are you doing?" When I put my face out in the living room, T-chan stared at me with murderous eyes, so I was wondering what to do, and Kakkun urged me to sit next to myself on the sofa.
When I was about to walk to Kakkun's side, T-chan glared at me and said.
"Papa is dedicated to busa, isn't he?"
The words "Have you ever seen your face in the mirror?" were coming out of my throat, but Kakkun laughed and said to T-chan.
"How many facial deviations do you think you have? (laughs)"
T-chan's face twitched.
Kakkun reached out to me, "Sumi is a beautiful woman... Do you want to sit down?" I took his hand and sat next to him, but T-chan muttered "I can't believe it..." all the time.
The next time I came to the house where T-chan lived together, it was just Kakkun and T-chan's birthday, so I prepared T-chan's favorite chocolate cake at my favorite patisserie.
T-chan silently eats the cake "T-suke, do you need a greeting before eating?" It was said, but without a word of "Itadakimasu," he stabbed a fork in the cake and found a walnut and said "Wow!"
When I said, "I'm sorry, you don't like walnuts," he glared at me and answered bluntly, "Oh," and Kakun said, "T-suke, if you don't like it, you can eat it." However, T-chan silently played only walnuts and finished the chocolate cake.
At the next visit, he said, "Papas are old enough to dress up in a flashy way, which is embarrassing! If you don't dress more calmly for your age, we will be ashamed!"
I was wondering what kind of daughter she was, but after I was hospitalized for surgery with a fracture, I said terrible things to Moka-kun, and he complained to me on LINE and phone.
He wasn't intimidating to my daughter, but before I knew it, he began to make both true feelings and complaints.
In the end, Kakkun said something that made him angry, and he became isolated.
I wonder why T-chan insults or hurts Kakkun.
I've always wondered, but this treatment melted the ice.
I always wanted to have Kakkun and my dad as my own.
I guess it's out of the question to hand over my ashes and mementos because I can't forgive myself for being loved by Kakkun more than myself.
Since Kakkun passed away and I'm no longer scolded, I can do terrible things to myself, who was jealous and hated.
However, I wonder what Kakkun would say if he saw a daughter with such a bent nature.
A daughter who blocks LINE without even giving her ashes to her common-law wife who has been close to her all the time.
Kakkun doesn't love.
"You are too nice."
I was in love with Kakkun, and although I was stubborn, I hated making people's feelings indifferent.
"Well, I guess that's a good place for you."
Saying that, Kakkun used to smile softly.
Although I didn't tell T-chan, Kakkun said at noon on the day he fell down, "I don't like the ties surrounding me anymore. Can I cut everything and roll into your house?"
T-chan, who has an ugly personality, has already been abandoned by Kakkun.
The daughter who does not hand over the ashes was already abandoned before Kakkun's death.
Of course, since LINE is blocked, there is no way to convey it anymore.
However, only the memory of loving with Kakkun with all his body and soul seems to be my asset that is not shared by anyone.
人生の中で、特に家族の問題においては、愛情や信頼だけでは解決できない感情のもつれが生じることがあります。私の体験したかっくんの遺骨をめぐる出来事も、その典型と言えるでしょう。 遺骨を分けてもらう約束をしていたにもかかわらず、彼の娘であるTちゃんからLINEでブロックされ、約束が果たされなかった時の胸の痛みは、言葉では表現しきれませんでした。遺骨という形見を通して彼との思い出を大切にしたい私にとって、その拒絶は深い悲しみと孤独を感じさせました。 また、Tちゃんの行動や言葉から感じた強い嫉妬や敵意は、単なる親子間の確執とは異なる、人間関係の複雑な側面を映し出していました。彼女が父親を独占的に思い、彼の恋愛や私の存在を受け入れ難い気持ちは、家族としての愛情ゆえのものかもしれませんが、それでも互いに尊重し合う難しさを痛感しました。 私の精神的な落ち着きを保つためにニコチンが必要だったこと、精神医学的な背景も絡んでいることから、理解されにくい側面もありました。ただ、日常生活の中で心のバランスをどう保つかは個々人により異なり、誰もが独自の方法で困難を乗り越えています。 こうした経験を通して感じたのは、家族の愛憎の中でも、自分自身の感情や思い出を大切にし、葛藤を抱えながらも前に進もうとする姿勢の重要性です。皆さんも家族や大切な人との関係で悩みを抱えた時、自分を守りつつ、対話の可能性を模索してほしいと思います。 最後に、かっくんとの全身全霊での愛の記憶は、たとえ誰にも共有されなくても、私自身の人生の宝物として大切にしていきたいと思います。感情に揺れ動きながらも人間らしさを持って苦難を乗り越えることが、人生の醍醐味なのかもしれません。