Why do ppl offer help they don’t intend to follow?
I laid up with a brutal cold and wrapped in a heated blanket on the couch. I’ve dropped 5 pounds in two days, can barely keep water down, and all I’ve craved this weekend is a bowl of hot soup. I’m too drained to leave the house, so when my boyfriend volunteered to swing by around 6pm to take care of me (I never even asked), I asked if he could grab soup from the grocery store on his way. He said yes and I offered to pay him back.
6pm came and went. Then 7, then 8. Finally, he texted that he’d bring soup but not until 11p,. I just told him to enjoy his night out with his friend, we can catch up later. Honestly, I think I’m done. This isn’t about the soup, it’s about priorities.
He works 5-10 hours a week and is a part-time student, so he’s far from swamped. He goes out drinking 3-5 nights a week as it is, missing one to care for his sick partner shouldn’t be a sacrifice. Would you be done with your BF if he chose drinking over bringing you soup when you’re deathly sick?
It's truly heartbreaking and frustrating when you're at your most vulnerable, like battling a 101.4°F fever, and someone you care about offers help only to fall short. Your story about your boyfriend choosing a night out and beer over bringing you soup when you were so sick resonates with so many of us who've felt that deep sting of disappointment. It's never just about the soup, is it? It's about feeling prioritized, cared for, and that your partner's words align with their actions. If you're wondering, 'Why do people offer help they don't intend to follow through on?' you're not alone. There are a few reasons this might happen, and none of them make the pain any less real. Sometimes, people genuinely mean well in the moment but then get caught up, overcommit, or simply forget. They might lack the organizational skills or foresight to follow through. Other times, it's a deeper issue: a lack of empathy, prioritizing their own immediate gratification, or perhaps even an inability to truly understand the depth of your need. In your case, when someone close to you consistently prioritizes social plans over your well-being, especially when you're at your sickest, it certainly raises a red flag about their commitment and priorities. This kind of behavior chips away at trust. When someone offers help, a promise is made, and when that promise isn't kept, it can leave you feeling abandoned, unimportant, and questioning the relationship's foundation. It's a classic example of actions speaking louder than words. So, what can we do when faced with this? Communicate Clearly (Again): While it feels unfair to have to re-explain, sometimes people need explicit instructions. Instead of 'Can you swing by?', try 'I really need soup from the grocery store by 6 PM, could you pick some up for me?' Set Boundaries: If this is a recurring pattern, you might need to reconsider relying on this person for critical help. It's tough, but protecting your peace and well-being comes first. Observe Patterns: Is this a one-off, or a pattern of not following through? Consistent failure to deliver on promises, especially during times of need, can be a significant indicator of deeper issues in a relationship. Your feeling that 'it's about priorities' is spot on. Seek Support Elsewhere: It's okay to lean on friends, family, or even delivery services when someone you expect to be there isn't. You deserve to be cared for. Reflect on Your Needs: This situation forces you to evaluate what you truly need in a partner. Do their actions align with your expectations for a supportive relationship? It takes immense strength to acknowledge these feelings and question a relationship, but your health and emotional well-being are paramount. You're not asking for too much; you're asking for basic care and respect. Remember, you deserve a partner who not only offers help but consistently follows through, showing up for you when it truly matters.
He just “told” you where you are on his list of priorities by his actions; you might want to believe him.