Why I’m back on ADHD meds!🍀✨
it’s been a long time coming, but i finally built up the courage to go back to ADHD medication! WARNING: this will prob be long! if you’re genuinely not interested or don’t have the attention span to read all this- feel free to move on! ik this is long winded but it is my story to tell and i am beyond caring as to whether or not it’s “TLDR” much love xoxo <3
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so basically, i spent the vast majority of my life on either ritalin or adderall. ritalin from 8-11 and adderall from 11-19 years old. when i was in college i stopped taking it because i realized i didn’t really remember what life was like before stimulants. regardless of what my mother and doctors had told me, i genuinely felt as though something had to be wrong or broken about me if i was dependent on medicine to function. if nothing was “wrong” with me, why shouldn’t i be able to stop taking my medication and function just fine?
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during puberty, the stimulants made my naturally occurring mood swings particularly nasty. like i said in my previous post, i acted like i was possessed by demons. teenage me LITERALLY needed an exorcism, Regan McNeil style. this was one of the reasons i used to refuse ADHD medication over the years. i had made such huge strides with unmasking my autism and learning how to communicate properly, i didn’t want that all stripped away by a side effect. my psychiatrist and therapist have reassured me that although irritability is common as a side effect for stimulants, my behavior was most likely exacerbated by going through puberty. making the mood swings associated with puberty worse than they would otherwise be.
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for the last year or so i’ve been heavily debating trying adderall again, for the fact that in combination with my autism- taking care of myself and doing the bare minimum has been extremely difficult to manage. when i got tested, it was made clear to me that i had very severe executive functioning problems. these issues have been a massive point in my therapy thus far and even with my wonderful therapist, it seems these issues are unmanageable regardless of what i attempt.
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for anyone unaware, executive functioning issues include: severe disorganization, memory loss, socially inappropriate behavior/actions, poor time management, inability to focus/pay attention to details. its not just like casually being lazy, unfocused, and disorganized sometimes. it’s an everyday thing that i’ve been having to try (and failing miserably) to manage with the bare minimum of assistance.
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so yeah, after years of working in therapy to figure out the right coping skills- my therapist and i decided together that it might be more effective to return to adderall. i was sooooo hesitant because i had convinced myself that i didn’t need fixing, this is who i am and i need to accept it. although there is nothing wrong with me in the sense that my ADHD/autism is something to be ashamed of- there are things that i cannot change about the way my brain works that make my life significantly harder.
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today marks the first day back on adderall! i’m somewhat disappointed in myself that i couldn’t power through it. i’ve always had this “delusion”, you might call it, that if i tell myself i can do something and do it well- that i will be able to make it happen. usually i can! when it comes to learning a new skill like crochet or completing a task with the bare minimum time allotted. but this was a hurdle i just couldn’t jump over.
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i’ve now come to the conclusion that my denial of medicinal assistance was actually more damaging for myself than the medicine ever was. trying to deny a part of myself that was seemingly undesirable yet impossible to alter, damaged my self esteem and made me feel incompetent. although i’ve had to do something that’s made me feel uncomfortable, to say the least, i think it is for the best. wish me luck !
Reading about liv's journey back to ADHD medication really resonated with me, and I know it will with many of you too. The decision to start, stop, or restart meds is incredibly personal and often comes with a lot of internal debate and even guilt. It's easy to feel like you 'should' be able to manage without help, especially when society often stigmatizes mental health support. But as liv beautifully articulated, sometimes the biggest act of self-care is acknowledging when something isn't working and allowing yourself the support you need. For those of us with ADHD, executive dysfunction isn't just about being a bit forgetful or messy. It impacts everything – from remembering appointments and managing finances to starting a task and seeing it through. Before medication, my own life felt like a constant uphill battle against disorganization and missed deadlines, no matter how hard I tried. The mental energy spent just trying to function often left me drained, making it impossible to pursue personal goals or even simple hobbies. It's not a lack of willpower; it's a difference in brain chemistry that makes these 'simple' things incredibly challenging. When considering ADHD medication, it's so important to remember there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. Beyond Adderall and Ritalin, there are many other stimulant and non-stimulant options available, each with different mechanisms and side effects. For parents exploring options for younger individuals, it's worth noting that ADHD medication for kids can come in various forms, including liquid, chewable tablets, or even patches, making administration easier. This variety allows healthcare providers to tailor treatment plans to individual needs, considering age, lifestyle, and specific symptoms. Always have an open conversation with your doctor about what might be best for you or your loved one, and don't be afraid to ask about different formulations. While improved focus is often the most talked-about benefit of ADHD medication, the impact can extend far beyond that, touching on 'ambition' and overall well-being as highlighted in the OCR. For me, medication didn't just help me concentrate; it quieted the mental noise, allowing me to approach tasks with less overwhelm and more clarity. This newfound mental space enabled me to pursue long-held ambitions, manage my time more effectively, and engage more meaningfully in relationships. It's not about becoming a different person, but about removing obstacles so your true potential can shine through. It can truly transform the 'before' to the 'after,' making daily life feel manageable and even enjoyable. Liv's experience with her psychiatrist and therapist underscores a crucial point: medication is often most effective when combined with therapy and a strong support system. Learning coping skills, understanding your unique neurodivergent brain, and processing feelings of self-doubt are all vital parts of the journey. It’s about building a holistic strategy for managing ADHD, one that empowers you to thrive. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and your well-being is always worth prioritizing.
I was late diagnosed autism and ADHD as well as few other diagnoses I chose not to name. I think it took reading IEP records that in away made me feel as if I had been failed through the various schools and grades I had been in. It was so obvious from my eating social life to learning day to day life and tests. It wasn’t until I was 20 that the women noticed the signs she asked me questions I hadn’t gathered. Although I’ve had siblings with diagnosis similar to me gender is different and where they were in the range. Unfortunately they were put on medications really young so I didn’t exactly know what that looked like and mental health was not a conversation where I grew up and definitely not after I left at 18. This previous year I’ve been through so much medical conditions referrals assessment’s. That I was officially diagnosed in fact several facilities and physicians had. Unfortunately I didn’t have clear understanding at first how these really impacted me I did reading but still.. Anyways it was long process but it felt impulsive for physician to say go to college you have these like it was going to take away every challenge I experience when I don’t feel schools have considered what my learning needs are. She also immediately set genetic testing to push for ADHD medication not going to lie that terrified me I have various health concerns I’ve had lot of negative results and been on several wrong medications for incorrect diagnosis in my head I felt like I was being told enough I’m not good enough without it. I think it was just the way around it after but I started taking more time alone to reflect what that would like for me. There was one setting in particular someone didn’t know it was me and we’re close to me and complained thinking I was someone else how I had gone in circle talking never getting to point that often made me feel like am I too much or are these people just not at my level if I got on meds what if people like me more then who I actually am