This is 1 of 2 conversations I had with my grandma near the end of her life.
The dementia had taken away all prior knowledge she had of Christianity and the relationship she had with God. 80 years of experience in the church and time spent with God in prayer… completely wiped from her memory. She was so afraid of dying and I felt so bad for her.
These are the types of conversations we need to be having with the ones we love because we are all going to have to go through this. ALL of us will eventually die…yet so many people are too uncomfortable to talk about it. I genuinely feel like my grandma was waiting for us to give her permission to die. She needed reassurance and she needed guidance because she was stubbornly holding on to life while every function of her body was shutting down one by one with her still stuck inside of it. She spent all day fighting, she spent all day suffering.
The day after I had this conversation with her I went home for a few days… and the night before I was supposed to come back she passed away peacefully in her sleep.
My dad told me later on that the day my sister and I left was the last day he saw any life behind her eyes. I would find out even later that my sister had a very similar conversation with her as well about what was next. Both of us telling her it was okay to pass on, both of us telling her of all the amazing things and people who were waiting for her on the other side. While we were here preparing her for the end of her life… a completely different group of people was preparing to welcome her into the next one. And with that reassurance… 3 days later she would leave our world to go into theirs.
Having faced a similar experience with a loved one suffering from dementia, I can truly relate to the emotional complexities involved. Dementia not only strips away memories but can also erase a person’s spiritual connections, as was the case with this grandmother’s loss of her relationship with God despite a lifetime of faith. These conversations near the end of life are often heart-wrenching but incredibly necessary, as they provide comfort not only to the person losing their grip on reality but also to those who care for them. What struck me the most was the notion of needing to give permission to die. It’s a profound realization that sometimes when the physical body clings to life, the soul or spirit is waiting for release – for reassurance from loved ones that it’s okay to let go. This experience taught me that speaking openly about death and what lies beyond, based on personal beliefs or spiritual faith, can ease the fear and prepare everyone emotionally for the transition. Moreover, the detail that different groups of people—family and those on the other side, perhaps spiritual guides or past loved ones—are simultaneously preparing and welcoming the person is comforting. This dual preparation offers a sense of continuity and peace that transcends the physical realm. In my own journey, sharing memories, affirming love, and expressing hope about the afterlife helped my loved one find calm in their final days. It’s important to acknowledge that many people avoid these conversations out of discomfort or fear, but they are among the most meaningful exchanges we can have. Talking with elders about their fears, hopes, and what they believe comes next not only honors their humanity but can also transform their final days into a time of connection and acceptance rather than suffering. In summary, if you are facing the approaching loss of someone with dementia or other terminal illness, consider gently opening these conversations. You don’t have to have all the answers—simply offering your presence, listening, and sharing reassurance can make a world of difference. It’s a gift you give not just to them, but to yourself as well, helping you both find peace in the inevitable journey ahead.
See more comments