I used to think forgiveness was about the other person.
I thought forgiving someone meant excusing what they did, letting them off the hook, or pretending the hurt never happened.
But I’ve learned that forgiveness is rarely about the other person. It’s about me.
It’s about releasing the resentment, bitterness, pain, and even the identity I created around what happened so I can move forward in peace.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned is that forgiveness isn’t always a one-time decision.
Sometimes the memory resurfaces. Sometimes the hurt comes back. And in those moments, I have to make the choice to forgive again.
Not because what happened didn’t matter, but because I’ve already decided I don’t want to live in that pain anymore.
Because if I’ve truly forgiven someone, I can’t keep hanging them on a cross for something I’ve already forgiven them for.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean they still get access to me.
It doesn’t mean reconciliation.
It doesn’t mean trust is automatically restored.
It simply means I’m choosing my freedom over my resentment.
And that’s a gift I give myself.
Forgiveness is a journey that I’ve personally found to be much more complex than simply saying the words "I forgive you." It’s an ongoing process where I continually confront my feelings and decide to let go of resentment for my own peace of mind. From my experience, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the actions that hurt me; rather, it’s about reclaiming my own happiness and emotional freedom. I’ve noticed that sometimes the pain resurfaces unexpectedly, and I need to remind myself that forgiveness doesn’t happen all at once. It involves patience and compassion for myself. Each time I revisit those memories, I choose forgiveness again, not to validate the hurt, but to free myself from the burden of carrying it. A particularly important lesson has been understanding that forgiveness doesn’t require me to trust or reconcile with the person who hurt me. It’s a boundary I maintain to protect my well-being. Forgiveness allows me to detach my identity from the pain and walk away without bitterness, which ultimately empowers me to live freely. The phrase "I used to struggle" resonates deeply with me because letting go of resentment was not easy. However, by making forgiveness a conscious choice, I’ve found peace in situations where I once felt stuck. This shift in mindset—choosing freedom over ongoing resentment—is truly liberating and something I encourage others to explore as well.
