Staying stagnant while all your friends seem to be doing better than you
People around me seem to be getting jobs, be it full time or part time, getting into relationships and keeping themselves busy with wht society deems as ‘correct productivity’ the kind where it can be measure by how much money you make or ‘flex-able’ moments shared on social media like traveling or going out on cute dates.
I’m doing the complete opposite and feel so bad that I’m not hitting the same marks as my peers. Instead, I’m slowly retracting from the world to understand myself, understand the system that runs this world and taking a step back to see the bigger picture. When I planned this, I knew that understanding the game you are playing before you do anything is so important to make sure you are heading in the right direction and not just moving aimlessly. Which is why I decided not to pursue the traditional matrix or success markers like employment like my peers.
But every now and then when I look at their success, I can’t help but wonder if I should have just followed along with everyone and perused what we have been told is the ‘correct path’ or ‘correct points to score’. It really sucks because it eats at your confidence, makes you feel like a loser and it makes you questions your every life choice.
For me, I know what I want, which is to experience the most of life, and to do that, you need to know what is it that you define meaningful. I’m slowly figuring it out and it kind of looks like: a peaceful life made out of working, not your traditional corporate job that builds someone else’s dream but a job that I OWN. A job that creates value and outcomes I own, think entrepreneurship. And a life rich in experiences that are out of the ordinary. Think traveling but not you typical Japan for the pictures or Korea for the skincare, but to Poland to visit the WW2 concentration camps and study history, to a small local town in the Philippines to learn about how locals truly live, experience that is beneficial to myself than to flex on people on the gram, yk. And most importantly a loving circle of people.
Holding on to the North Star allows me to recover after my anxiety filled mornings where I wake up from the stress.
So when I feel stagnant, at least I remember that there’s a bigger picture I are looking at, and that time will pass anyways, so make sure it’s passing with purpose and intention that is right for YOU! Not passing based on someone else’s definition of purpose.
Thanks for reading until this point, and I kindly ask you to reflect
If the path you are going is based on your true purpose or based off what society or someone else deems as success.
Feeling stagnant when all your friends seem to be moving forward can be one of the most confusing and frustrating experiences. I’ve been there myself—watching friends land jobs, enter relationships, and share their ‘achievements’ on social media, while I was taking a different path that wasn’t so visible or conventionally celebrated. What helped me was shifting my perspective from comparing my progress to others, to understanding the importance of defining success on my own terms. Society often equates productivity with measurable outputs like money or social status, but real fulfillment comes from finding what genuinely resonates with your values and goals. For me, that meant stepping back to reflect on what matters most, instead of chasing markers like a corporate job or flashy lifestyle. I started embracing slower, intentional growth by exploring entrepreneurship and seeking meaningful experiences that enrich my understanding of the world. Traveling to lesser-known destinations for cultural and historical learning, instead of popular tourist spots, gave me a deeper connection with life. It wasn’t about flexing on social media but about personal enrichment and authenticity. An important tool in managing moments of anxiety and self-doubt was having a 'North Star'—a guiding purpose that anchors me through uncertainty. This mindset shifted my focus to making time pass with intention rather than aimless comparison. It also reminded me to nurture supportive relationships that contribute positively to my well-being. If you feel stuck while watching others succeed, remember that everyone’s journey is unique. The key is to pause, reflect, and ask whether your current path aligns with your true purpose or simply adheres to what society expects. Growth isn’t always linear, and sometimes taking a step back is the most powerful move forward. Trusting yourself and embracing your own definition of meaningful success can transform feelings of stagnation into purposeful progress.
What a lovely reflection and I feel exactly the same way. Love what you said about travelling to explore history and learning about the world, not about the products we can buy or instagrammable spots. Also relate to wanting to retreat from the world and not wanting what most people want. I wake up thinking the same. Thank you for sharing and making me feel seen!