COUNSELING men should be different from COUNSELING WOMEN!
For years, I sat across from men who looked angry, distant, defensive, silent, or emotionally unavailable, until I realized something deeper was happening.
Some of them were not refusing to feel.
They simply did not have the language for what they were carrying.
That realization changed the way I counseled men, and it became the foundation for my new book,
The M.A.L.E. Therapy Lens™: Reaching the Men Who Have Stopped Talking.
This book was created to help us understand what may be hiding beneath male silence, withdrawal, anger, shutdown, overwork, sexual distance, and the words, “I don’t know.”
It does not excuse harm.
It does not remove accountability.
It does not ask women to carry men.
But it does teach us how to see the man more clearly, so we can reach him more effectively.
As a member of my Patreon community, you get a **free sample read** before stepping into the full book.
Go to my Patreon now and read the sample.
You may never hear male silence the same way again.
Read the free sample on Patreon:
( comment "Men" to receive the link)
The full book is also available now on Amazon.
Get your copy here:
Author- Dr. Cheryll Holmes PhD PsyD
Psychologist and Family Therapist
646-653-9080
In my personal experience working with men in therapy, I have witnessed firsthand how traditional counseling methods sometimes fail to connect with male clients. Unlike women, men often face societal pressures that discourage emotional expression, leading to silence, anger, or withdrawal as coping mechanisms. The concept of the M.A.L.E. Therapy Lens™ highlights how these behaviors are not necessarily signs of a refusal to feel but rather a lack of vocabulary and safe space to express complex emotions. This approach helped me understand that men may carry internal struggles silently—they might not say "I don’t know" out of disinterest but because they genuinely may not have the words to articulate their feelings. It’s important during counseling to validate these men’s experiences without excusing harmful behaviors or removing accountability but to meet them where they are emotionally. What is crucial in counseling men is creating an environment where vulnerability is normalized and not equated with weakness. For example, incorporating non-verbal therapeutic techniques or encouraging storytelling related to identity and roles has often opened pathways for deeper communication. Overwork, sexual distance, and shutdown are often symptoms rather than the core issues. When counselors recognize these patterns as manifestations of emotional struggles, they can tailor interventions that feel more accessible and relevant to men’s lived experiences. I believe that understanding the male silence phenomenon requires patience and a willingness to see beyond surface behaviors. Counseling men differently isn’t about stereotyping but about appreciating diverse emotional expressions shaped by cultural and psychological factors. For practitioners, adopting strategies from resources like The M.A.L.E. Therapy Lens™ can significantly improve engagement and outcomes. Ultimately, this approach fosters healthier relationships, not only between therapist and client but also in men’s personal lives, supporting them to reconnect with their feelings and articulate needs effectively. It’s a transformative journey that benefits everyone when done with empathy and insight.
