My bf keeps saying he will do things and not doing
Please tell me whether I’m in the right. My bf has been saying he’s going to do a very specific and important task for days, weeks, perhaps months. Day after day he does not do it and has some kind of reason or excuse. Trying to use the appropriate language, I told him, “when you don’t follow through with things, I feel like I can’t rely on you.”
He said this is dramatic. He said that I should have said “I feel disappointed when you don’t follow through with things” and that he would be able to understand that. He says that me saying I can’t rely on him = I literally can’t rely on him for anything, which would be an exaggeration. I didn’t say that though, I just said, I feel like I can’t rely on you.
So when facing this kind of communication disconnect, where I talk about my feelings but he gets hung up on the literal meaning, how do I make it clear to him?
It's really frustrating when someone you care about keeps saying "I was going to" but never actually does the task. This can make you feel dismissed or even lied to, which damages trust over time. When your boyfriend has not done an important task for days or weeks and always has excuses, it’s natural to feel let down or unsure if you can count on him. One key aspect to improving this situation is understanding that communication styles often differ. Your boyfriend focusing on the literal interpretation of your words — for instance, interpreting "I feel like I can’t rely on you" as an absolute statement — might mean he struggles with emotional nuance or fear of perceived judgment. This is a common challenge in couples where one partner interprets language very concretely. To bridge this gap, try the following: 1. Use "I" statements carefully: While "I feel disappointed when you don’t follow through" is less confrontational, sometimes expressing deeper feelings like "I feel worried and stressed when commitments are broken" can create a stronger emotional connection. It’s about helping him understand the impact on your feelings. 2. Be explicit about the task’s importance: Clearly express why the task matters to you and to the relationship, so it is not just a vague promise but tied to shared values or mutual respect. 3. Avoid labeling or blaming: Avoid statements that could feel like absolute judgments, like "you never" or "I can’t rely on you for anything." Focus on specific instances and your own feelings. 4. Ask for his perspective: Invite him to share why he finds follow-through difficult. There might be underlying reasons such as forgetfulness, overwhelm, or fear of failure that you can support. 5. Set small, manageable goals and follow up: Instead of a vague promise to "do a very specific important task," break it down into parts and check progress gently. Remember, hearing "I was going to" often feels like a non-apology if the action never materializes. It’s important both partners acknowledge how these repeated behaviors affect trust. Healthy relationships rely not only on promises but on consistent actions. Open, patient dialogue tailored to how each of you understands and processes language can help resolve misunderstandings and build reliability together.
Girl. He’s not confused. He’s avoiding accountability. 💯 You said “I feel like I can’t rely on you” that’s literally a feeling, not an accusation. If he really cared about how you felt, he would’ve said “Damn, I didn’t realize it made you feel that way. I’ll do better.” Instead, he nitpicked your wording so he didn’t have to face the truth: he’s been inconsistent.