Day 10: Reprogramming…Reaffirming
I missed a few days. 😭😭 I honestly spent those days procrastinating and self sabotaging. Not fully in the ways my past self would’ve but definitely in some ways and I’m grateful for that awareness. What took a few days could’ve taken weeks or even months to notice and change.
I had procrastinated and then finally I found the willpower and all it took was 10 seconds into meditation for me to realize why I had been self sabotaging this time.
Those bruises I mentioned before….well they do still hurt, but sometimes we don’t even realize the pain. We’ve become numb to it.
Today despite that hurt my growth was shown to me and my beliefs were reaffirmed by my reality.
I experienced what I will consider my first kink/bdsm space today! It was so beautiful and welcoming and comforting! I can’t wait til the next one. The conversation was about making kink spaces safe for BIPOC.
I’ve never felt so reflected in a space in so many ways. My queerness, size, appearance, beliefs, race, etc didn’t feel like a sore thumb in my environment. I didn’t feel anxious or self conscious or any of those things that hinder us from being our authentic selves and it was absolutely beautiful.
I went with my best friend and ex partner. The same connection where we decided we couldn’t show up for each other in these ways, but we can hold each other’s hands while we figure it out by ourselves. Our experience together was beautiful and I’m grateful to have them as a safe space. I’m grateful for the difficult conversations and healing that is occuring within our relationship.
I’m grateful that despite how much it hurts in some areas of my life, I feel at peace and grounded and loved and supported, and stable. I don’t live with anxiety and fear and I don’t allow distractions to consume me.
I’m grateful for where I am. I’m grateful for recovery. I’m grateful for community. I’m grateful for life.
In the journey of self-improvement, recognizing and challenging procrastination is key. Many people struggle with awareness, but having the insight to confront our behaviors can lead us towards growth much faster. Day 10 reflects a transformative experience in a welcoming kink and BDSM community, emphasizing the importance of safe spaces, especially for BIPOC individuals. Finding a space that acknowledges and celebrates diverse identities helps in feeling reflected and validated. As one connects deeper with their authentic self, it can mitigate feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. The sense of community plays a vital role in providing a safe environment for personal exploration and healing. The author shares their experience with a supportive friend, emphasizing the importance of relationships that allow for open dialogues about healing. As personal growth unfolds, the realization that one doesn't have to carry the weight of past traumas alone leads to feelings of gratitude, peace, and stability. It's essential to remember that recovery is a process, and with community support, individuals can navigate through life's challenges and appreciate where they currently stand. Such narratives encourage others to seek connection and foster environments where everyone can feel valued and understood.
