when you realized that your friends are assholes?

That moment when someone truly sees and hears you, especially after years of feeling overlooked, is absolutely transformative. My own experience, similar to what's shared in the original post, made me realize just how much I'd normalized unhealthy dynamics in my friendships. It wasn't just about being talked over; it was a deeper pattern of selfishness I'd somehow accepted as 'normal' within my circle. It’s tough to admit, but sometimes the friends we've known for ages, perhaps even since those early college dorm room gatherings, can slowly become less supportive and more draining. For me, the signs of selfish or toxic friends started to become clearer once I experienced what genuine support felt like. Beyond just interrupting, I began to notice other red flags: One-sided conversations: They’d talk endlessly about themselves, but when it was my turn, the topic would quickly shift back to them, or they’d suddenly seem distracted. Lack of celebration: My successes were often met with lukewarm responses, or even a subtle attempt to downplay them. But when something good happened to them, it was a huge deal. Constant criticism disguised as 'honesty': They’d often put me down, claiming it was for my own good, but it always left me feeling worse about myself. Emotional dumping without reciprocity: They’d use me as a sounding board for all their problems, but when I needed support, they were suddenly unavailable. Making everything a competition: Whether it was careers, relationships, or even casual social gatherings, there was always an underlying competitive vibe. Recognizing these patterns was a huge step, but acknowledging them was even harder. There’s a fear of loneliness, a discomfort with change, and sometimes, a deep-seated hope that things will go back to how they used to be. But living with selfish, toxic friends takes a heavy toll on your self-esteem and mental well-being. You start to question your own worth, your voice, and your place in the world. My advice? Start small. Set boundaries. It might feel awkward at first, but reclaiming your space and your voice is crucial. If someone constantly talks over you, you can politely interject with, 'I wasn't finished yet,' or 'I'd like to finish my thought.' Observe how they react. A truly supportive friend will apologize and listen; a selfish one might get defensive or dismissive. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is gradually distance yourself. It doesn't always have to be a dramatic confrontation. You can start by investing less energy, declining invitations that don't genuinely excite you, and seeking out new connections where you feel truly valued. Just like I stumbled upon that new group who truly listened, opportunities for healthier friendships are out there. It’s about prioritizing your peace and understanding that you deserve relationships where you feel seen, heard, and celebrated, not just tolerated.