Blaming the 'victim' is not always by damn.

Surprisingly, in our society, there is a very common behavior.

Sometimes happens unconsciously.

Sometimes comes in question form that seems worrisome.

But the destination instead hurts people... hurt more than before

That's blaming the victim or Victim Blaming.

It is society's turn to question the people who are being committed.

More than questioning people who act wrongly

"Why go to a place like that?"

"Why dress like that?"

"Why not be careful?"

"Why not resist?"

"Why not say it in the first place?"

These questions may seem to be the reason.

But a lot of times it's moving the guilt weight.

From "doer."

Go put it on the shoulders of "the doer."

1️⃣ Why do we blame our victims? One of the main reasons is that we humans want to believe that the world is fair.

Good people will be safe.

Careful people will not encounter bad things.

People who encounter bad things must have something "caused" psychologically. This is called Just-World Belief, or the belief that the world is fair. Many studies connect this belief with the tendency to blame and diminish the value of victims because people try to justify injustice as "reasonable."

Simply put, sometimes we blame the victim.

Because deep down, we ourselves are scared.

Afraid that if one can be hurt,

Without him doing anything wrong.

That means the world may not be as safe as we want to believe.

So we tried to find the "error" in him.

To console yourself that.

"If it were me, I wouldn't have found it."

But the harder truth is,

Some bad things can happen.

Not because the victim missed it.

But because someone chooses to do wrong

2️⃣ Some questions are not the truth, but "the one to blame."

When something happens, society often asks:

- How is he dressed?

- Where did he go?

- Who did he go with?

But the question that should be asked first is

- Who violated him?

- Who chose that?

Because if we keep catching the wrong person

The offender will gradually disappear from the conversation.

And finally, what should be seen as "violence"

Will be recounted as "victim's unguardianship."

3️⃣ Media and language are more powerful than we think.

Some words make the reader sympathetic, but others make the reader judge, e.g.

"Sexy dressed girl was..."

"Night trip until the scene..."

"Living with a man two by two..."

"Been close before..."

A sentence like this might just seem to recount the details.

But it actually takes the reader to focus on the victim instead of on the wrongdoing.

UN Women has guidelines for coverage of violence against women and children, reiterating that it should avoid talking about the victim's behaviour or actions in a way that could lead to reprimand for the victim, and that language should be used that does not make violence seem romantic or normal, because language is not just a word.

Language is the framework that makes people judge that.

- Who's pathetic?

- Who's suspicious?

- And who should be punished?

4️⃣ consent is not a guess.

Another important point is the matter of Consent or Consent.

Consent is not silence.

Not to resist.

Not ever talking.

Not being close.

Not one kind of dressing.

And not being in a particular place.

Consent must be clear, voluntary and changeable.

So the question, "How is he dressed?"

It should not be more important than "does the other party have consent?"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

We may not be 'mean' people, but we may have used heartless questions unconsciously. We may not be 'intentionally aggravating', but we may have used to rush to analyze someone's pain. Too soon to actually listen to him. We may think we are teaching him to be careful.

Some people are not quiet because they agree.

But quiet because of shock

Some didn't, didn't escape.

But the body is already frozen.

Some people don't, don't talk.

But still don't know how to compose your own pain

Some are not weak.

He just went through an event that no one should have to face.

So before asking anything out,

Try asking yourself first

"Does this question help make him safer?"

"Does this question help him get fairness?"

"Does this question make the doer more accountable?"

Or this question just makes people feel more guilty.

Because some questions don't give way to the truth.

But it opens the wound that lasts the time, it doesn't heal.

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