What did I read ๐ฏ๐คจ๐ณ๐ข
I am absolutely SHOOK ๐ญ
Just read a post where this woman basically described her dream man as:
๐ค A mechanic
๐ค A plumber
๐ค A landscaper
๐ค A housekeeper
๐ค A model
๐ค A personal serotonin dispenser
๐ค And oh yeah he must have baby-soft skin, no ED, and zero human dander ๐
LIKE??? The girl said if he ainโt magical, she doesnโt want him. Iโm still sitting here with my mouth WIDE openโฆ and you bet your ass I followed her real quick because I need to see how this saga unfolds ๐๐ฆ
Some of yโall arenโt writing dating postsโฆ
Youโre casting spells ๐ ๐ฝ
๐ฉWhatโs Wrong With This Post?
Theyโre asking for Jesus with a wrench and a six-pack.
Likeโฆ who is this perfect, emotionally stable, mechanic-chef-plumber-housemaid-male-model-unicorn with flawless skin, a serotonin boost, and no job?? ๐ญ๐
Soft skin & no dander? Are we looking for a man or a hypoallergenic cat? ๐โโฌ Because this sounds like a skincare ad gone rogue.
"You can be bipolar, just not violent"
Like maโamโฆ thatโs not how mental health works?? We support Neuro divergence, but this ainโt Build-A-Bear ๐ญ
She said no ED like itโs a deal breaker on par with murder.
The way she dropped โGoogle itโ right after like sheโs teaching sex-ed in the middle of a job interview ๐ฉ๐
โIf youโre 40, donโt look 60โ
Soโฆ anti-aging spell included, I guess? ๐ญ Is Benjamin Button available?
The whole vibe is giving: โI want a husband, a handyman, a therapist, a model, a skin-care routine, a butler, a comedian, a house elf, a gym broโฆ but make him mythological.โ
Sis. This is not Craigslist meets Hogwarts ๐
Says sheโs allergic to everything, including danderโฆ but wants to be around humans???
Soโฆ do you want a man or a Swiffer WetJet? ๐งผ
The post is wild because it's mixing grief, thirst, trauma, humor, and a job application for a mythical being all in one stream-of-consciousness that lowkey reads like a stand-up routine and highkey a cry for help. ๐ญ๐
Would I date her? No.
Would I read her memoir? ABSOLUTELY.

































































































hahahaha