You don't have to try to get rid of anxiety.
There are nights when the back of my chest rustles for no reason.
Even though nothing bad has happened, only my eyes are getting clearer in the futon. I wonder if this life is really okay now. I wonder what will happen to me in the future. It is a night when such uncertain anxiety quietly descends into my heart.
If you're having a night like that right now.
I'm in the same night right now. I have a lit cigarette in my hand. The smoke is slowly swaying under the light. So it's okay. At least at this moment, you're not alone.
Anxiety is a strange thing.
People who are not doing anything actually do not visit often, because there is no reason to come down to people who can stay in their current life without doubting anything.
Anxiety usually comes down when you are wishing somewhere, "I don't like it as it is." I want to be better than now. I want to live more like myself than now. Because I think so, the distance between my current location and my wish makes my heart flutter in the form of anxiety.
In other words, I think that anxiety is proof that you are working hard.
People who don t wish for anything don t get anxious. The reason you can t sleep that night is because the energy trying to make life better is swirling in your chest looking for a place to go. It s not a flaw, it s a power that hasn t been used up yet.
However, its power is a little too heavy to carry alone in the middle of the night.
On nights like this, I light a cigarette. I make time to not have to decide something just for a puff. Smoke rises and disappears. I just follow it with my eyes for a few minutes. Rather than stop thinking, I set aside my thoughts. It is such a small margin.
If it's okay with you, please try making just one margin tonight.
Even just between a cup of tea is fine. Just go out on the balcony and breathe the night air. Those few minutes of deciding "I don't decide anything now" should make you a little lighter tomorrow.
You have survived well today.
That alone is more than enough for the day. Please pamper yourself a little tonight, who has walked so far with anxiety.
See you tomorrow in this place.
I hope we shall meet again in the smell of the same night.
もし不安を感じているなら、その感情を無理に消そうとしなくても大丈夫です。私も経験がありますが、不安は単なるネガティブなものではなく、“今の自分から抜け出してもっと良くなりたい”という強い願望の表れなのです。たとえば、夜中にふと胸がざわつき眠れなくなったとき、頭の中は将来のことや現状の自分への疑問でいっぱいになりがち。でもそんな時こそ、あえて何も決めず、ゆっくり呼吸を整え、自分に優しくする時間が必要でした。 私の場合、一服のタバコをゆっくり味わいながら、煙のゆらぎをただ眺めていました。これは考えを一旦置くための小さな儀式で、心を落ち着かせるのにとても有効でした。あなたも、お茶を飲む時間や夜空を見上げる時間、ほんの数分間でもいいので、「何もしない」余白を意識して作ってみてください。この時間は、日常の不安や自己否定から少し距離を置く効果があり、心の整理に役立ちます。 また、不安を感じるのはあなたが輝きたい証拠。不安を抱えながらも毎日を生き抜いている自分を認めることが、自己肯定感を育みます。夜の静かな時間、一人になった時、自分を責めるのではなく、「よく頑張っているね」と声をかけてあげてください。これが、不安を抱えながらも前に進む原動力になるでしょう。 不安は孤独なものではありません。あなたと同じように不安と向き合っている人は多く、そうした人たちと気持ちを共有しあうことも大きな支えになりえます。時にはSNSやフォーラムで想いを吐き出し、共感を得るのも良いでしょう。誰かとつながることで、心が軽くなることがあります。 結局、不安は決して悪者ではなく、あなたの成長と変化を促すサインです。そのサインを嫌わず、受け入れて少しずつ乗り越える方法を見つけていきましょう。同じ夜の中であなたが自分の気持ちに寄り添いながら歩んでいけることを、心から願っています。
