Letters to Lovers

Shower Thoughts:

I’ve started sitting in the shower again, allowing my sorrows to swirl down the drain, wondering if anyone has caught on to my lies. The tinted exterior of posed composure I’ve maintained is nothing more than a spider web of cracks. Pieces are starting to fall away from the seams, clinging desperately to stay together—like a quiet breath, gradually becoming lighter as I slowly slip away from this plane.

The water rushes over me, warming every pore of my body, a slight sting as the heat brings a flush to my skin. My nails dig into the curves of my body, curves I’ve come to despise, etching clawed circles into the parts I’ve longed to change. I am confused, lost in the contradiction of a body born with a mind at war. I can’t tell anyone. I can’t bring myself to let others worry, knowing life has burdened us all.

I envy the best of us who find sanctuary in their dreams, gaining access to worlds without suffering. I close my eyes, focusing on the rhythmic pattering of water on my back. I turn the stream to near-boiling, hoping the false rain will stir something heated inside me. Craving anything more than the nothingness I’ve grown accustomed to—void of expression, alive but not living, physically present yet dissolving into the ether.

I tilt my neck back, allowing the bittersweet caress of the water to meld with the inevitable tears breaching the surface. I stay here until the water runs cold, until a shiver seeps into my bones, pulling me back to the numbness I’ve been tethered to. I know that when tomorrow comes, I’ll be sitting in the shower again.

#embracevulnerability #Lemon8Diary #lemon8partner #poetry #poem