the helper that we sent away (part 1)
Hello friends, hope everyone has been well.
2026 has been happening… very happening! Within the first 3 months, so much has happened that i would call it a whirlwind of events, a series of unfortunate events and a tumultuous time.
This is not to say that there was nothing to be grateful for or no nice things have happened, but then there was an overarching theme of challenging things unfolding.
How it started:
We already knew our original helper L had to go back home without renewing her contract, which was due in May. She requested to go back earlier, in April. However, she found out that her husband was critically ill but didn’t want to let her know - which means her MIL has to take care of the farm, leaving nobody to take care of her 5yo daughter.
I got to know this on the day (a Thursday) i received my bonus (I was going to tender my resignation the next day) and was so happy but my mood took a 180deg turn because of this.
I actually thought her departure would be immediate, so I went straight into “firefighting mode” - contacting the original agency, reaching out to other agencies with our requirements, etc.
By the next day (Friday), I received several profiles to choose from, shortlisted 4 of them, and arranged for interview the following day (Saturday).
We ended up only interviewing 3 candidates as the 4th one was already taken. We went ahead to schedule a 2nd interview (in-person) with a transfer helper from Myanmar the next day (Sunday) so that she can meet the kids and we can see if it could work.
On hindsight, though, I realised maybe because of the sense of urgency, we overlooked many things… We did come up with many scenario-based questions and others beforehand to test their response and thinking process, but because of the language barrier, most of them could only give a yes/no/idk answer, and we had to keep simplifying the questions to make sure they “understand”.
Meeting in person for 2nd interview:
We felt comfortable with her vibes when we met her, and when she extended her arms to my 1.5yo boy, he let her carry him (!!!), and for quite some time too while we asked the rest of our questions. In a way, that was our biggest concern, because we need quite a bit of help with childcare, especially in the mornings and evenings. Perhaps because of this big plus, we didn’t notice that she was simply saying “yes” to everything and not double or triple-checking if she indeed understood what we were saying.
The agent also kept saying that “she’s good girl, no problem de”. So she is considered a “transfer” helper, but she has not actually started work with the SG employer, so in a way she’s “fresh”. This means she had recently arrived in SG and still has 7 months of loan.
Why did the previous employer reject her after bringing her to SG? The agent said it was because her biodata stated “150cm” height, but after going for medical checkup in SG, she is actually 144cm. When I heard this, I didn’t think much of it, actually. I even mentioned “okay la, she’s not very short ah” when we met in person.
On hindsight, I guess it was a sign that if the biodata can lie about the height… what else would it lie about?
Anyway, we confirmed her shortly after the in-person meeting. Paperwork and processes was done within a week, and we could pick her up by the next weekend.
And that’s where the actual story starts…
Stay tuned for part 2.
Till then, lots of love and light
Beoz
Understanding the role and meaning of a domestic helper is essential when deciding to bring one into your home. Domestic helpers are typically individuals employed to assist with household chores, childcare, and sometimes elder care. Their contributions can significantly ease daily life and provide support where needed most. When hiring a domestic helper, it’s important to consider not just their skills but also their compatibility with your family’s needs and values. Language barriers, cultural differences, and trust issues can create challenges that affect the working relationship. From my experience, rushing the hiring process may lead to overlooking important details, such as truly assessing the candidate’s understanding and capabilities beyond just “yes” answers. Moreover, as with any employment, verifying backgrounds and information like the biodata is crucial. Discrepancies, such as inaccurate height or other personal details, could signal potential issues. Taking extra time to conduct thorough interviews — including in-person meetings whenever possible — helps with observing interpersonal dynamics and gauging comfort levels, especially when children are involved. Domestic helpers often face their own set of pressures, balancing family separation and financial burdens like loans for employment overseas. Empathy and open communication are key to building a positive working relationship. I’ve learned that patience and clear expectations can make a significant difference in adjusting to the helper’s presence and ensuring smooth collaboration. This journey has taught me that hiring a domestic helper is more than just filling a role; it’s about welcoming someone into your family circle — with all its complexities and heartfelt moments. Keep in mind this perspective as you explore your own decisions regarding domestic help, and stay tuned for more insights in part 2.
I think some agency lied about the biodata too. We had a maid for my MIL who claimed to be able to speak mandarin via video interview and speak quite fluently and with accent of Indonesian. The truth only reveal when she is present that not only she does not understand nor speak mandarin at all, but even simple Malay language also have problem understanding. We were totally disappointed and have to make do with simple words to get her start learning. Moral of the story: better with interview and ensure she understands and can respond with your questions correctly.